I can see again

So for the past two weeks, I was in this darkness. I went to church like I was a zomby--didn't prepare my heart, and was numb to the teachings. When I was by myself, I always felt so bad, because I felt distant from Him. However, I know I cannot blame Him, because it's I who chose to block Him out. I can see myself building up a wall to block him, and every sigle brick that I put up was a sin that I committed. I felt bad, wanted to stop, but the wall kept getting higher and higher. I didn't have lifegroup to go to, didn't have LCG to keep me accountable, didn't have prayer gathering, moved to an apartment, where I can easily isolate myself. However, God said, Jean, you should rely on these to come to me. and look what has happen when all these are not there--you fell. You should come to me even by yourself. So this past Sunday, He gave me a sermon on intimacy. It broke me into pieces. I could see Jesus on the cross with all the newly whipped scars, because every time I sinned, I whipped him once. Then I just coulnd't handle that anymore, and He helped me break the wall and now I feel all free again.

I was walking in the darkness, and I thought God didn't want me anymore. However, I was just like the oschurch who put its head into the sand, thinking that no one could find it. However, God's light shone everywhere. All my sins were laid out in His light, they were taken away. But I, being in the sand, didn't know, and was still mounful about what I had done, and ignored that He loved me so much that I could freely come to Him and confess. I block Him, and block the many chances I could become intimate with Him. However, He finds different ways to tell me the truth, so that I could go back to Him again.

So praise the Lord, I can see again.