Hatred

Lord, I want my own justice. I am still filled with hatred, I can tell. But Lord, help me to remember that you are thebrighteouss and you are the one who brings justice. Don't let me count my justice. I will let you take control, so work in my heart, let me remember that Lord you are just, and you bring upon justice, not me. And I know you love me, so I will just hide under your wings, and let you take control. 

今天明白了

今天明白了一件事...

今天给爸爸打电话，先打了奶奶家，不在，又打了手机，接通后说他在外面玩，要往回走。我跟他说了要说的话以后问他回不回奶奶家，他先说要回，后来说不回。我后来反应过来又问他是不是和苏晓梅在一起。他说是的。

挂了电话以后我不知道怎么办，于是我开始祷告。我发现我很爱在我的想象中找爸爸对峙，他在一边，我在另一边。我开始编造各样的情况，最后我发现我是一个人。于是我开始想想要和谁一起去，去给我打气。我想到了罗锐，尧尧哥哥，骁骁哥哥。在画面中我背后站了一个人，而这个人的形象持续在我的哥哥弟弟们中间换。我想让他们替我打一架，但是我后来才发现我只是想抱着他们好好哭一场。于是我哭了。但是在画面里那个人的形象换成了神。我才突然意识到，原来我很想他们为我自己讨回公义，但是在我的内心深处我只是想一个人在我哭的时候可以抱着我，安慰我。我发现我找我的家人。但是我忘记了找神，直到神亲自出现在我的画面中。于是我抱着神哭了。哭，因为我感恩这次我们没有和爸爸大干一场，哭，因为我真的受伤了，而且我没有自己扛着。哭，因为我没有第一个找神，但他却来了，来告诉我祂一直是我的避难所。我在他的怀里哭了。

感谢你，让我held back my anger. 感谢你，让我知道了要依靠谁。感谢你一直在我身边不离不弃。your love never fails, and you will never fail me. 

From Devotional

Today I learned that God is just, and he will judge all injustice. So I am not to bring my own injustice into my own hands. And I will remember that Jesus was pleading for me and he also has paid for all injustice i caster upon people. So I will give all into the hands of God and not take control or establish my own judgement. Psalm 109. 

Also blessed is the pure in heart, for they shall see the Lord. I will use God's word as the sword of the spirit to arm myself and kill all sins in my life. I will use it against my fears and sinful cravings. So Lord give me a pure heart so I can see you! Matthew 5:8, Ephesians 6:17

Lost in the crowd?

At the end of 2013, I was getting ready to come back to China, and I remember very vividly thinking: God, I'm going back to China, and they are all Asians just like me. How can you spot me out from all the black hair and yellow skin? What a silly thought, but it was my thought. It was also where my faith is. I had to leave my team of brothers and sister in Harvest and come to an unfamiliar (spiritually) place to looking for a new church/team to join. I was scared. 

But praise God m that He did not leave me in that state. I was walking today at Raffles City and there were many people around me. Again I am facing the issue of looking for. New church to be part of, and the feeling of being alone came back again, but this time it was different. I felt this overwhelming sense of security that regardless of where I am and which church I am a part of, I am always with God. I'm never alone. YES he can spot me out from billions of Asians, he can recognize me from afar and he is holding; I will never fall out of His Grace. I have that security now :) Praise my God!

Lost in the crowd? NOPE! Absolutely not!