风，没有方向的吹来
雨，也跟着悲伤起来
没有人能告诉我
爱是在什么时候悄悄走开
风，伴着花谢了又开
雨，把眼泪落向大海
现在的我才明白
你抱着紫色的梦选择等待
。。。
记忆是阵阵花香
我们说好谁都不能忘
。。。
2009/04/29
2009/04/24
Freshman Year in a Burrito
So to wrap up my freshman year. I could see I really grew closer to God, and this is such a good feeling. First of all, coming in as someone who didn't get the desired major, and the major pursuing was ompletely stange. I saw His plans and blessings. I never felt so happy in the music school, and never thought I could like music so much. Finishing strongly in that field further proved God's grace and plan for me in the music school. Along the way, I was able to pick up my other major, have a better understanding about God. I was leaning too much onto myself, that God preyed math from me, and when I understood it, He, the graceful father, said: " fine, you can have it, and I'll be there with you." Truly, every single day was a miracle, and He was always by my side, whether I am aware or not. At times when I was down, He finds all kinds of possiblities to cheer me up, and reminds me: "It's okay, you can lean on my shoulder, and I'm that chair you can put your whole weight on."
He always had me finish learning a lesson and moved on to the next. First semester my lesson was just simply trust Him, and he will make the music school thing work. He proved Himself easily by just showing me how much I can love and play music. Second semester, I learned to lift up my burdens to Him and have Him take care of it. He gradually helped my drop my stress on studying and playing the piano. At the final I wasn't even stressed at all.
Of course He didn't just come to me and tell me all those. He uses people to show me his plans, and without Lifegroup, I would not be able to get a glimpse of how much He loves me. Through all the people in my lifegroup, I see his light, and I see the righteousness He was talking about. I have a community so close that I am comfortable sharing about anything, and I didn't get this community by chance. He provided for me, and He knew I wouldn't be nearly as happy if i was placed somewhere else. He provided the best. They are such great people--Tina, Angela, Eric, Debbie, Daniel, and many more. Through them, He says: " look, Jean, I can do great things in them, and so can I do great things in you." He did it... a lot. Even through Alina, He showed me how much He loves, and how much he cares about our prayers. He is almighty, so He answered. I was reminded once again, how much He loves sinners, and how much He heals. He reminded me that believing in the simple gosple is our ticket to live with him in eternity.
Tina told me I am a feeler, and indeed I am. I want to feel more of Him in the future. I want to be able to surrender more of myself to Him. The verse that wraps up the whole freshman year is: Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Matthew 6:33
He always had me finish learning a lesson and moved on to the next. First semester my lesson was just simply trust Him, and he will make the music school thing work. He proved Himself easily by just showing me how much I can love and play music. Second semester, I learned to lift up my burdens to Him and have Him take care of it. He gradually helped my drop my stress on studying and playing the piano. At the final I wasn't even stressed at all.
Of course He didn't just come to me and tell me all those. He uses people to show me his plans, and without Lifegroup, I would not be able to get a glimpse of how much He loves me. Through all the people in my lifegroup, I see his light, and I see the righteousness He was talking about. I have a community so close that I am comfortable sharing about anything, and I didn't get this community by chance. He provided for me, and He knew I wouldn't be nearly as happy if i was placed somewhere else. He provided the best. They are such great people--Tina, Angela, Eric, Debbie, Daniel, and many more. Through them, He says: " look, Jean, I can do great things in them, and so can I do great things in you." He did it... a lot. Even through Alina, He showed me how much He loves, and how much he cares about our prayers. He is almighty, so He answered. I was reminded once again, how much He loves sinners, and how much He heals. He reminded me that believing in the simple gosple is our ticket to live with him in eternity.
Tina told me I am a feeler, and indeed I am. I want to feel more of Him in the future. I want to be able to surrender more of myself to Him. The verse that wraps up the whole freshman year is: Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Matthew 6:33
Finale
Today, I say bye to my freshman year. No more classes, no more exams. I am Done!!
So the finals, He truly has his blessings, or even himself, in there. I am very pleased with all my performances in my finals. They are not perfect, but just through these imperfection, He revealed Himself to me. I first had an A- in my theory class, and I finished with an A. I took the final at 8:30 in the morning, and I always snooze during class, and the final felt like a dream as well. However, I was able to finish, when all the people who started earlier than I didn't finish. Moving on to my math final, I studied for a total of three hours. This not nearly enough for an accumulative math final. usually a homework sheet takes Yisi and I 6 hours to finish. I was able to cram in as much as possible in 3 hours. The next day, after the exam, I checked answers with some people. I haven't gotten anything wrong yet, I am waiting for my 100%.
my jury, the shortest but most nerve-racking exam. I had to perform for 15 minutes and have the whole piano department judege me. It was such a miracle. before monday, I was so numb practicing that I thought I was so ready for my jury. I found some friends to listen to me, and two of them spent an hour each with me on one piece, helping me feel the music--and they are both christians haha. One of them was a pro at the piece. When he toured around Europe giving recitals, he was requested to play this piece. He helped me a lot with creating the desired tone. I was so pumped afterwards that I felt alive again playing the piano. Thursday night when I was practicing, Shin told me that I should read Psalm 4. Before sleep I read it, and I rested peacefully in Him. Next morning, I went, warmed up, prayed to lift jury up to him (even though i was holding something back to myself). Thinking that I was prepared, I went into my jury. First Mozat, played really well, but because of time, I was cut, and told to go on to the next piece. Therefore I started playing the Chopin Black Key Etude--completely messed up the beginning, it was so horrible that I stopped. But I was able to grab myself and finish nicely. Third, my Debussy, and this was the piece I got help from. I had confidence and played beautifully according to my teacher. The judges listened to the whole thing. Lastly, I played some of my other debussy piece--messed up, and got cut. Surprisingly, I came out of the room without worrying. I knew because of the messed up playing I couldn't get an A, but secretly I was still expecting that good grade to drop from Heaven. In the afternoon, I got an email from my teacher that I got an A. He said I played fine overall.
All these glories I am receiving, they are not from the people, they are from God. All of them are reflections of God's blessings. He was telling me to lean not on my own understandings. And He showed me that He is not just the God at church, He is everywhere in my life. He tells me if I allow Him, he will fill up my life. All these work I've done, they are not from me either. I barely did any work--didn't practice enough, didn't study enough. There are so many things I needed to do, yet didn't. I receive all the goodness from his grace. He gave me a clear mind taking exams, playing jury. He is really everywhere, and if I ask, He will give.
Freshman year--Finished victoriously in the glory of God!
So the finals, He truly has his blessings, or even himself, in there. I am very pleased with all my performances in my finals. They are not perfect, but just through these imperfection, He revealed Himself to me. I first had an A- in my theory class, and I finished with an A. I took the final at 8:30 in the morning, and I always snooze during class, and the final felt like a dream as well. However, I was able to finish, when all the people who started earlier than I didn't finish. Moving on to my math final, I studied for a total of three hours. This not nearly enough for an accumulative math final. usually a homework sheet takes Yisi and I 6 hours to finish. I was able to cram in as much as possible in 3 hours. The next day, after the exam, I checked answers with some people. I haven't gotten anything wrong yet, I am waiting for my 100%.
my jury, the shortest but most nerve-racking exam. I had to perform for 15 minutes and have the whole piano department judege me. It was such a miracle. before monday, I was so numb practicing that I thought I was so ready for my jury. I found some friends to listen to me, and two of them spent an hour each with me on one piece, helping me feel the music--and they are both christians haha. One of them was a pro at the piece. When he toured around Europe giving recitals, he was requested to play this piece. He helped me a lot with creating the desired tone. I was so pumped afterwards that I felt alive again playing the piano. Thursday night when I was practicing, Shin told me that I should read Psalm 4. Before sleep I read it, and I rested peacefully in Him. Next morning, I went, warmed up, prayed to lift jury up to him (even though i was holding something back to myself). Thinking that I was prepared, I went into my jury. First Mozat, played really well, but because of time, I was cut, and told to go on to the next piece. Therefore I started playing the Chopin Black Key Etude--completely messed up the beginning, it was so horrible that I stopped. But I was able to grab myself and finish nicely. Third, my Debussy, and this was the piece I got help from. I had confidence and played beautifully according to my teacher. The judges listened to the whole thing. Lastly, I played some of my other debussy piece--messed up, and got cut. Surprisingly, I came out of the room without worrying. I knew because of the messed up playing I couldn't get an A, but secretly I was still expecting that good grade to drop from Heaven. In the afternoon, I got an email from my teacher that I got an A. He said I played fine overall.
All these glories I am receiving, they are not from the people, they are from God. All of them are reflections of God's blessings. He was telling me to lean not on my own understandings. And He showed me that He is not just the God at church, He is everywhere in my life. He tells me if I allow Him, he will fill up my life. All these work I've done, they are not from me either. I barely did any work--didn't practice enough, didn't study enough. There are so many things I needed to do, yet didn't. I receive all the goodness from his grace. He gave me a clear mind taking exams, playing jury. He is really everywhere, and if I ask, He will give.
Freshman year--Finished victoriously in the glory of God!
2009/04/23
God bless my finals!!
God is definately every where, my finals are so good, so far and i have one more to go tomorrow! My Jury!! But I can already see his blessings in there, so I'll be more than fine, hahaha!
alright gotta go practice!!
God is good, all the time!!
alright gotta go practice!!
God is good, all the time!!
Just a story
There once was a man named George Thomas, pastor in a small New England town. One Easter Sunday morning he came to the Church carrying a rusty, bent, old bird cage, and set it by the pulpit. Eyebrows were raised and, as if in response, Pastor Thomas began to speak...'I was walking through town yesterday when I saw a young boy coming toward me swinging this bird cage. On the bottom of the cage were three little wild birds, shivering with cold and fright. I stopped the lad and asked, 'What you got there, son?' 'Just some old birds,' came the reply.
'What are you gonna do with them?' I asked.
'What are you gonna do with them?' I asked.
'Take 'em home and have fun with 'em,' he answered 'I'm gonna tease 'em and pull out their feathers to make 'em fight. I'm gonna have a real good time' 'But you'll get tired of those birds sooner or later. What will you do?'
'Oh, I got some cats,' said the little boy. 'They like birds. I'll take 'em to them.'
The pastor was silent for a moment. 'How much do you want for those birds, son?'
'Huh?? !!! Why, you don't want them birds, mister. They're just plain old field birds. They don't sing. They ain't even pretty!'
'How much?' the pastor asked again.
The boy sized up the pastor as if he were crazy and said, '$10?'
The pastor reached in his pocket and took out a ten dollar bill. He placed it in the boy's hand. In a flash, the boy was gone.
The pastor picked up the cage and gently carried it to the end of the alley where there was a tree and a grassy spot Setting the cage down, he opened the door, and by softly tapping the bars persuaded the birds out, setting them free.
Well, that explained the empty bird cage on the pulpit, and then the pastor began to tell this story.
One day Satan and Jesus were having a conversation. Satan had just come from the Garden of Eden, and he was gloating and boasting. 'Yes, sir, I just caught the world full of people down there. Set me a trap, used bait I knew they couldn't resist. Got 'em all!'
'What are you going to do with them?' Jesus asked.
Satan replied, 'Oh, I'm gonna have fun! I'm gonna teach them how to marry and divorce each other, how to hate and abuse each other, how to drink and smoke and curse. I'm gonna teach them how to invent guns and bombs and kill each other. I'm really gonna have fun!'
'And what will you do when you get done with them?' Jesus asked. 'Oh, I'll kill 'em,' Satan glared proudly. 'How much do you want for them?' Jesus asked
'Oh, you don't want those people. They ain't no good. Why, you'll take them and they'll just hate you. They'll spit on you, curse you and kill you. You don't want those people!!'
'How much?' He asked again.
Satan looked at Jesus and sneered, 'All your blood, tears and your life.'
Jesus said, 'DONE!'
Then He paid the price.
2009/04/21
Ready, Action
God is sooo sooo sooo good to me!! It's way beyond my imagination!
So I went to practice at 10:20pm, and met a doctorate, and he was supposed to have coatching with his group at 10:30, but 5 minutes till, the coaching got cancelled. He was going to go home, but then I asked him if I could play for him some of my pieces and have him give me some comments, and he agreed. My playing was soo bad and he was even surprised to hear that my jury is in 4 days! I was scared when I thought about my jury. So we got down to business right away. Oh, and this was when I felt better--lucid--after I prayed in the afternoon. He helped me soooo much, and I can pretty much see the music in front of me. It feels sooo good, and we worked for an hour on one piece, and sorted out a lot of tiny spots that could prevent me from playing well. He left afterwards, and I started playing, and God gave me focus and I practiced that piece along for another hour.
So when I was still practicing, someone else came in (he already graduated from school, and is just using the practice rooms--he's really good), he heard me playing the piece over and over, so wanted to come and just say bye to me (he is also chinese, haha). I ended up telling him my summer plans and one of them is to try to go to a chrstian music festival. Surprisingly, he told me he is also a christian. I was sooo happy to hear that, and we ended up talking a little bit about how taking music seriously and digging into it can find God. It was really good. I asked him if he could hear my other pieces for jury just for some references. He agreed.
This is soooooo much blessing, and all I did is a simple prayer in the afternoon. God is the God that when you ask, he will be in action. He is always prepared as if he is always on the starting line ready to run a race, and our prayer is just that short gun shut signaling that he is allowed to work. He is soooo happy that I asked, and decided to bless me with all chances possible. I cannot express how much I am feeling him right now!! It's just sooooo good!!
So I went to practice at 10:20pm, and met a doctorate, and he was supposed to have coatching with his group at 10:30, but 5 minutes till, the coaching got cancelled. He was going to go home, but then I asked him if I could play for him some of my pieces and have him give me some comments, and he agreed. My playing was soo bad and he was even surprised to hear that my jury is in 4 days! I was scared when I thought about my jury. So we got down to business right away. Oh, and this was when I felt better--lucid--after I prayed in the afternoon. He helped me soooo much, and I can pretty much see the music in front of me. It feels sooo good, and we worked for an hour on one piece, and sorted out a lot of tiny spots that could prevent me from playing well. He left afterwards, and I started playing, and God gave me focus and I practiced that piece along for another hour.
So when I was still practicing, someone else came in (he already graduated from school, and is just using the practice rooms--he's really good), he heard me playing the piece over and over, so wanted to come and just say bye to me (he is also chinese, haha). I ended up telling him my summer plans and one of them is to try to go to a chrstian music festival. Surprisingly, he told me he is also a christian. I was sooo happy to hear that, and we ended up talking a little bit about how taking music seriously and digging into it can find God. It was really good. I asked him if he could hear my other pieces for jury just for some references. He agreed.
This is soooooo much blessing, and all I did is a simple prayer in the afternoon. God is the God that when you ask, he will be in action. He is always prepared as if he is always on the starting line ready to run a race, and our prayer is just that short gun shut signaling that he is allowed to work. He is soooo happy that I asked, and decided to bless me with all chances possible. I cannot express how much I am feeling him right now!! It's just sooooo good!!
2009/04/20
what a day
Whenever the weather is gloomy, I turn gloomy-thinking about gloomy things and listening to gloomy songs. Today started out alright, a little misty. In the afternoon, I was so tired and worn out that I cannot practice at all. This whole day, my mide was just wonering around; it cannot stay still for 20 minutes. I would go eat an orange, wash my hand, go to the music library, do all these stuff to try to rest my mind, but non worked. When I have half an hour left before I had to go teach, I realized that God is the on I need to go to. And all these times, I've been looking around Him for alternatives, when he is right there in front of me without any camouflage. I was so blind. So I said a prayer right away, and literally right after that my mind was so clear and I focused so well for the rest of the practice. God is so good to me, he didn't even hesitate to bless me. He didn't say: " okay Jean, let me go do something else and then come and grant your prayer." no, Bam, right away! He is sooooooo Good.
Today is another Dee Dah Day, for He showed me His love once again.
Today is another Dee Dah Day, for He showed me His love once again.
2009/04/19
His work
最近感到上帝在我身上做很多事，感觉离祂很近。向上学期的时候，快考期末，就开始自己给自己施加压力，这学期都没有什么压力。事情很多，但是现在能看开，一件事情一件事情的做。真的是，把自己的priority放对了，就什么都有了。上帝说，but seek first his kingdom and his righteous and all these things will be given to you as well.
感受深刻。。。
感受深刻。。。
My God is Sooooo Good
Thanks God for answering my prayers, and I am burdenless right now...floating in the air!!! haha
2009/04/18
What's wrong
How come I'm not feeling anything? How come I don't have motivation? This is the end of the year, I'm supposed to finish it strong. I don't feel like doing anything, I have an exam on monday, one on wednesday, one on thursday, and on Friday. I am not studying for any of them. I feel empty inside, when I am supposed to be busy doing something. rWhat's the matter with me?
I don't want to be like this.
God help me.
I don't want to be like this.
God help me.
2009/04/17
Dee Dah Day
Just some quotes:
To miss out on joy is to miss out on the reason for your existence--Lewis Smedes
God is the happiest being in this world--John Ortberg
Joy is the serious business of heaven--C.S. Lewis
We are invited to rejoice in every moment of life because every moment of life is a gift--John Ortberg
We must arrange life so that sin no longer looks good to us--John Ortberg
True joy, as it turns out, comes only to those who have devoted their lives to something greater than personal happiness--John Ortberg
To miss out on joy is to miss out on the reason for your existence--Lewis Smedes
God is the happiest being in this world--John Ortberg
Joy is the serious business of heaven--C.S. Lewis
We are invited to rejoice in every moment of life because every moment of life is a gift--John Ortberg
We must arrange life so that sin no longer looks good to us--John Ortberg
True joy, as it turns out, comes only to those who have devoted their lives to something greater than personal happiness--John Ortberg
2009/04/13
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