我的生活就这样了吗？我觉得孤独，我的压力很大。
教会的所有事情
Worship
招待
执事
找工作
考FM
短宣
每一件事都要花时间， 主啊帮帮我。我没有力气了。 天父啊， 帮帮我。
2012/05/28
Sheep
Simon son of John, do you love me?
...
Feed my lamb.
...
Do you love me?
...
Feed my Sheep.
...
Do you truly love me?
...
Feed my sheep.
--Paraphrase from John 21
This is what Jesus commanded Simon Peter. But the question is Jean what about you?
Lord, my Lord, I am so sorry for not loving and not seeing your children as yours. You have entrusted lives onto my hands, how can I judge them and treat them the way I wanted to treat them? Lord, forgive me for all the unloving thoughts, jokes, and actions I have done against my girls. Lord forgive me.
I am not taking my responsibility. Please Lord help me to be a good shepherd.
I love you and I will fee your sheep.
...
Feed my lamb.
...
Do you love me?
...
Feed my Sheep.
...
Do you truly love me?
...
Feed my sheep.
--Paraphrase from John 21
This is what Jesus commanded Simon Peter. But the question is Jean what about you?
Lord, my Lord, I am so sorry for not loving and not seeing your children as yours. You have entrusted lives onto my hands, how can I judge them and treat them the way I wanted to treat them? Lord, forgive me for all the unloving thoughts, jokes, and actions I have done against my girls. Lord forgive me.
I am not taking my responsibility. Please Lord help me to be a good shepherd.
I love you and I will fee your sheep.
2012/05/01
Saying Goodbyes
I said a lot of goodbyes this past however long. There are a couple of them I still cannot let go yet.
I don't know how I think about this friend's leaving. She prepared me well, and I thought I was good at moving on. But I was wrong. I already miss her so much, and knowing that our relationship will change next year scares me. Knowing that going to chapel I won't be able to see her scares me. Knowing that discipleship won't continue the way it was scares me. She scares me... I scare myself. I know that this relationship has to move on. but I didn't want it to. I was comfortable with the love, the blessings, and the challenges that this friendship presented. I thought I was ready to accept the fact that she will not be so present in my life, but I was wrong.
There were a couple more goodbyes that I had to say. I said bye to the music school at the music school graduation ceremony. All the people... I didn't know I loved that place that much. I can't stop my tears thinking about my teachers and how much they invested in me. I know they gave a lot of effort and personal care. I thought I was so done with piano after my recital. But I was wrong. I miss it so much. I miss the practice, the pressure, my lessons, the "jail-like" hallway. The late-night practices. I had to say bye to all these. I won't be continuing any more... no more. I said goodbye.
I am learning to say goodbye to the last-year me. It was so easy the previous years. But this year is different. There people that I had to let go, relationships that I had to let go, familiar places, feelings, conversations, and freedom. This is the life that I committed to. I didn't know. I don't regret. But I am sad. I won't be painting the rock, no scheduling something just because I can but tugs and struggles. But I committed to this. I can't shake it off, and I won't. I don't regret any bit of my decision, but I just needed to get over my old life. It's gonna be a process... It might take a while. I thought I liked transitions, but I was wrong.
I miss my old self, I want to go back to it, but I don't want to....
GOODBYE
I don't know how I think about this friend's leaving. She prepared me well, and I thought I was good at moving on. But I was wrong. I already miss her so much, and knowing that our relationship will change next year scares me. Knowing that going to chapel I won't be able to see her scares me. Knowing that discipleship won't continue the way it was scares me. She scares me... I scare myself. I know that this relationship has to move on. but I didn't want it to. I was comfortable with the love, the blessings, and the challenges that this friendship presented. I thought I was ready to accept the fact that she will not be so present in my life, but I was wrong.
There were a couple more goodbyes that I had to say. I said bye to the music school at the music school graduation ceremony. All the people... I didn't know I loved that place that much. I can't stop my tears thinking about my teachers and how much they invested in me. I know they gave a lot of effort and personal care. I thought I was so done with piano after my recital. But I was wrong. I miss it so much. I miss the practice, the pressure, my lessons, the "jail-like" hallway. The late-night practices. I had to say bye to all these. I won't be continuing any more... no more. I said goodbye.
I am learning to say goodbye to the last-year me. It was so easy the previous years. But this year is different. There people that I had to let go, relationships that I had to let go, familiar places, feelings, conversations, and freedom. This is the life that I committed to. I didn't know. I don't regret. But I am sad. I won't be painting the rock, no scheduling something just because I can but tugs and struggles. But I committed to this. I can't shake it off, and I won't. I don't regret any bit of my decision, but I just needed to get over my old life. It's gonna be a process... It might take a while. I thought I liked transitions, but I was wrong.
I miss my old self, I want to go back to it, but I don't want to....
GOODBYE
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