so you know how a plunger works... and imagine the red part being your face.
That's what God's been doing with me: "Jean, be humble, I can do things with or without you." Of course he's practicing his skill of plunging when he's telling me these things. So the result is my face falls flat on the ground, or the toilet if you will. Lifegroup leading, School, Piano, Resume, Job hunting... all these things... so many!
But some how God is pulling me through, and showing me that his grace is the only thing I can count on. What I have in front of God is simply filthy rags, and he's never tired of proving it to me. But he's also not tired of giving me grace and showing me how much he loves me!
2011/12/18
2011/12/10
I should jus have peace
Today was our baptism, but it was also Jessie's birthday dinner. CLASH.
After baptism and band breakdown-setup were over, I called them, no one picked up. I got stressed instantly, thinking that because I couldn't make it, they refused to pick up my calls. However, God above all these lies whispered: Jean, they just couldn't hear it. Don't be overly sensitive. This time I decided to trust God, and those stress started going away. 3 hours later (just now) my aunt calls me telling me that she didn't here the phone ringing on the table, and had missed the 2 calls that I had made. We even chatted about other things.
God is showing me that I cannot control the smallest things. and just trust in Him and everything will be fine. Even though this issue is so small, it's a constant decision to trust in God and, I thank God for helping me take steps to practice in trust. :)
I will be still know You are God.
After baptism and band breakdown-setup were over, I called them, no one picked up. I got stressed instantly, thinking that because I couldn't make it, they refused to pick up my calls. However, God above all these lies whispered: Jean, they just couldn't hear it. Don't be overly sensitive. This time I decided to trust God, and those stress started going away. 3 hours later (just now) my aunt calls me telling me that she didn't here the phone ringing on the table, and had missed the 2 calls that I had made. We even chatted about other things.
God is showing me that I cannot control the smallest things. and just trust in Him and everything will be fine. Even though this issue is so small, it's a constant decision to trust in God and, I thank God for helping me take steps to practice in trust. :)
I will be still know You are God.
2011/11/30
piano and life
Today in studio class, Dr. Ellis said something that made me think.
He told someone who had stage fright to practice being on stage. According to him, we are supposed to scare the daylight out of us every time and get used to the feeling so that when we actually go on stage, we won't be foreign to the feeling. This is a very logical approach.
But it's wrong!
We should never take his approach. You can never simulate the environment unless you are actually there, so practicing being in fear may help a little, but it doesn't solve the root of the problem. What if you are expecting a huge mass of audience, larger than ever before, how are you gonna simulate and get used to that? The experience is too rare and unusual to simulate. More importantly, why would you drench yourself with fear? What we should do, is that we should be drenched in the peace of God, and practice the have peace even when we are performing. As the bible says: "Perfect love drives out fear."--1 John 4:18. We have the love of God. And the love of God is with us wherever we are, including the stage. When we practice to have peace we would always be familiar with the environment--we are right in God's crib as usually. Nothing would be able to alarm us.
This goes with everything else in life. Instead of approaching struggles with fear, we should know that we are given peace. Even though on the outside, it looks all the same--that we are going through struggles(performing in my case). But the attitude we use in approaching them makes a huge difference.
I need to trust God and have peace. BUT IT'S SOOOOO HARD!!!
But God loves me to let me see what to do, and He's kind enough to show me how to do it :)
Piano is the microcosm of my life.
He told someone who had stage fright to practice being on stage. According to him, we are supposed to scare the daylight out of us every time and get used to the feeling so that when we actually go on stage, we won't be foreign to the feeling. This is a very logical approach.
But it's wrong!
We should never take his approach. You can never simulate the environment unless you are actually there, so practicing being in fear may help a little, but it doesn't solve the root of the problem. What if you are expecting a huge mass of audience, larger than ever before, how are you gonna simulate and get used to that? The experience is too rare and unusual to simulate. More importantly, why would you drench yourself with fear? What we should do, is that we should be drenched in the peace of God, and practice the have peace even when we are performing. As the bible says: "Perfect love drives out fear."--1 John 4:18. We have the love of God. And the love of God is with us wherever we are, including the stage. When we practice to have peace we would always be familiar with the environment--we are right in God's crib as usually. Nothing would be able to alarm us.
This goes with everything else in life. Instead of approaching struggles with fear, we should know that we are given peace. Even though on the outside, it looks all the same--that we are going through struggles(performing in my case). But the attitude we use in approaching them makes a huge difference.
I need to trust God and have peace. BUT IT'S SOOOOO HARD!!!
But God loves me to let me see what to do, and He's kind enough to show me how to do it :)
Piano is the microcosm of my life.
2011/11/07
things God is trying to show me
1. obedience--cuz I have none, I like getting things my way. If they don't turn out the way I want, I manipulate to get my way. I have to stop that and just obey God and follow His way.
2. Waiting--I am not patient; that's part of the reason why I don't obey. Just wait Jean, the best will come later. Don't settle for anything less than the best. Have faith and wait.
3. Discipline--I am soooo not disciplined. I can't even commit to small things like waking up for morning prayer. If I can't get up for MP to meet the most important person in my life, how am I suppose to commit to waking up everyday for work?
4. Pure heart to desire God--This is interesting, flipped through a friend's bible, and there were tones of markings and side comments inside, and one of them really hit me:
"Since they could not get him to Jesus because of the crowd, they made an opening in the roof above Jesus and, after digging through it, lowered the mat the paralyzed man was lying on." Mark 2:4
"because of the crowd" was underlined and on the side, it said:"people get in the way." Yup, that's exactly what was happening to me. I put God behind the crowd and I couldn't get to him. But he was always there reaching out to me and He asked me:"Jean, what happened to the child of mine who just cared about me? Where did that child go?"
He wants to be loved by me. He desires me, and wants me to desire Him, too. So simple. However, I put the crowd between us. But he is showing me where I should be... I should be on the roof where I could see him. I should climb over the whole crowd cuz they don't matter. My eyes should be set on Him... and Him alone.
2. Waiting--I am not patient; that's part of the reason why I don't obey. Just wait Jean, the best will come later. Don't settle for anything less than the best. Have faith and wait.
3. Discipline--I am soooo not disciplined. I can't even commit to small things like waking up for morning prayer. If I can't get up for MP to meet the most important person in my life, how am I suppose to commit to waking up everyday for work?
4. Pure heart to desire God--This is interesting, flipped through a friend's bible, and there were tones of markings and side comments inside, and one of them really hit me:
"Since they could not get him to Jesus because of the crowd, they made an opening in the roof above Jesus and, after digging through it, lowered the mat the paralyzed man was lying on." Mark 2:4
"because of the crowd" was underlined and on the side, it said:"people get in the way." Yup, that's exactly what was happening to me. I put God behind the crowd and I couldn't get to him. But he was always there reaching out to me and He asked me:"Jean, what happened to the child of mine who just cared about me? Where did that child go?"
He wants to be loved by me. He desires me, and wants me to desire Him, too. So simple. However, I put the crowd between us. But he is showing me where I should be... I should be on the roof where I could see him. I should climb over the whole crowd cuz they don't matter. My eyes should be set on Him... and Him alone.
2011/09/21
2011/09/13
God Wants Me to Respond to Him
Love the Lord, and Love His people.
Love is patient, love is kind...
Love is so hard, but God calls me to love like Jesus.
Jesus loved the people who nailed Him to the cross, and God demands me to love just like that.
He will not give me anything I cannot bear, and right now, he only called me to love on a smaller scale, but even that is so hard.
it's your kindness Lord, that leads us to repentance...(not condemnation)
So God tells me to show kindness to dad so that he could come to Him and repent.
He set me up to be able to do that, but witnessing someone do that is just too powerful.
Kindness brought repentance, and this little bit of obedience on my side brought reconciliation.
However, God is saying: "Jean, there is more, and know that I am God, not you. I have everything is control, and even if things don't go your way, are you going to obey and glorify me? Are you gonna have joy if this is the best thing that could happen to you and your family? I am God, I know what's best for my people."
Yes.
This is the biggest act of obedience I've ever done so far. But I know God demands more.
He is just saving them it for later.
God has been showing me his kindness all along, and now it's time for me to respond. He loves me too much to leave me as the old wineskin. He wants to renew me.
Even though things didn't all go the way I had prayed, but I know that God is greater.
My eyes have seen Holy.
Jean, have more faith, and more is to come. God's got it all.
Love is patient, love is kind...
Love is so hard, but God calls me to love like Jesus.
Jesus loved the people who nailed Him to the cross, and God demands me to love just like that.
He will not give me anything I cannot bear, and right now, he only called me to love on a smaller scale, but even that is so hard.
it's your kindness Lord, that leads us to repentance...(not condemnation)
So God tells me to show kindness to dad so that he could come to Him and repent.
He set me up to be able to do that, but witnessing someone do that is just too powerful.
Kindness brought repentance, and this little bit of obedience on my side brought reconciliation.
However, God is saying: "Jean, there is more, and know that I am God, not you. I have everything is control, and even if things don't go your way, are you going to obey and glorify me? Are you gonna have joy if this is the best thing that could happen to you and your family? I am God, I know what's best for my people."
Yes.
This is the biggest act of obedience I've ever done so far. But I know God demands more.
He is just saving them it for later.
God has been showing me his kindness all along, and now it's time for me to respond. He loves me too much to leave me as the old wineskin. He wants to renew me.
Even though things didn't all go the way I had prayed, but I know that God is greater.
My eyes have seen Holy.
Jean, have more faith, and more is to come. God's got it all.
Summer 2011 in China (short)
1. Interned with the Chinese Government, learned a lot of things--good and bad
2. Dad came to know Christ--PTL!!!!! and he's paying my tuition.
3. Served with mom's church. learned a lot about loving people and God's heart for his people through worship, sermons, talking to people, and bible study.
too much to say...
2. Dad came to know Christ--PTL!!!!! and he's paying my tuition.
3. Served with mom's church. learned a lot about loving people and God's heart for his people through worship, sermons, talking to people, and bible study.
too much to say...
2011/06/24
I miss home!!!!!!!!!!
I miss Ginkgo trees,
I miss bamboo chairs,
I miss the lively street vendors at 1am,
I miss the sound of people bargaining at fresh produce markets,
I miss seeing students with baggy uniforms,
I miss the steams of hotpot,
I miss the foods that become more and more delicious every day,
I miss ancient buildings,
I miss the 7-minute walk from home to school,
I miss the walk after dinner,
I miss my elementary school teachers,
I miss the rapeseed fields,
I miss picking peaches,
I miss building stoves and burning peanuts,
I miss being able to walk everywhere,
I miss worshiping in Chinese with the house church,
I miss the air,
I miss the streets,
I miss the bowl-shaped city,
I miss Grandma,
I miss Dad,
I miss Mom,
I miss home!
';relzkgdhtr;epo'zrsjis;hearw'iopes;rlihte;aipowkldfxgnjdli;ropkszldfxgjn;paeosfzlkdxgjnhuriw;ejdklzfxgjPEW";dklfa;odjkglfer;iojfklszdj;oiejklszdfjnx;eiJFKLSzjd;jzdx
I miss bamboo chairs,
I miss the lively street vendors at 1am,
I miss the sound of people bargaining at fresh produce markets,
I miss seeing students with baggy uniforms,
I miss the steams of hotpot,
I miss the foods that become more and more delicious every day,
I miss ancient buildings,
I miss the 7-minute walk from home to school,
I miss the walk after dinner,
I miss my elementary school teachers,
I miss the rapeseed fields,
I miss picking peaches,
I miss building stoves and burning peanuts,
I miss being able to walk everywhere,
I miss worshiping in Chinese with the house church,
I miss the air,
I miss the streets,
I miss the bowl-shaped city,
I miss Grandma,
I miss Dad,
I miss Mom,
I miss home!
';relzkgdhtr;epo'zrsjis;hearw'iopes;rlihte;aipowkldfxgnjdli;ropkszldfxgjn;paeosfzlkdxgjnhuriw;ejdklzfxgjPEW";dklfa;odjkglfer;iojfklszdj;oiejklszdfjnx;eiJFKLSzjd;jzdx
2011/03/09
Double Door
1 Corinthians 10:13
No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And god is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.
God's protection is like a double door, I guard the first one; he guards the second. All temptations that come my way are common to man, and he will not let me be tempted beyond my capacity, but sometimes my spirit is willing but the body is weak. I open up the first door. However God is much stronger guarding the second door. He knows that I will fall, so he said when I am tempted, he will provide a way out, so I can stand up under it. God loves me and protects me. I love God, and I need him. I need him so much. I cannot guard the arrows that come against me from all directions, but even when I fail, God guards my heart with that second door, so I am safe in his protection.
2 Thessalonians 3:3
But the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen and protect you from the evil one.
Psalm 119:11
I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.
--I want to be able to say that someday.
No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And god is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.
God's protection is like a double door, I guard the first one; he guards the second. All temptations that come my way are common to man, and he will not let me be tempted beyond my capacity, but sometimes my spirit is willing but the body is weak. I open up the first door. However God is much stronger guarding the second door. He knows that I will fall, so he said when I am tempted, he will provide a way out, so I can stand up under it. God loves me and protects me. I love God, and I need him. I need him so much. I cannot guard the arrows that come against me from all directions, but even when I fail, God guards my heart with that second door, so I am safe in his protection.
2 Thessalonians 3:3
But the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen and protect you from the evil one.
Psalm 119:11
I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.
--I want to be able to say that someday.
2011/02/13
Ordinary Man, Extraordinary God...Amen!!!
Lifegroup tops my expectation every week this semester!
God has showered his blessings onto OMEGA3 every single lifegroup gathering this semester--from regular lifegroup to chapel time to breaking fast to valentine blessing and many more. God has opened the flood gates of heaven and showered down on us. This time it's not water, it's omega3 fatty acids--fatty blessings coming down from heaven!
It's such a blessing to see people carrying out our lifegroup covenant--Openness, Outreach, Ownership, hence O3. People have been sharing so much about themselves and how God has been doing great things in their lives so vulnerably. I can't but see the level of trust that we have been building among one another! We have become one family that we all could turn to and count on. With outreach, God kept adding our numbers, as well as diversity. God is so good, and It's so obvious at lifegroup/outreach events to see that all the regular members trying so hard to reach out to guests and meeting up with them outside of LG times. People are genuinely trying to live out the gospel to demonstrate God's love to each other and to everyone else. This semester OMEGA3 had another opportunity to witness a guest coming to know Christ. How it happened is crazy but in the mist of it, it's too obvious that God had used everyone OMEGA3 to demonstrate His love to her and we got the quota. I learned from everyone to be available to be used by God. He seriously LOVES OMEGA3!
In terms of ownership, it's so obvious because if people don't have ownership; they wouldn't try so hard, and they won't be so committed; they won't be so considerate of others.
Specifically, in Lifegroup this past week, people were sharing like crazy! Thoughts were crashing into each other like crazy! People's thoughts were jumping over each other. But those thoughts were so consistent with each other and I cannot help but see the unity in our minds. Unity comes when we are one-minded worshiping God! It's so true! I'm sooo blessed by OMEGA3 because God has blessed it so much!!!!!
God has showered his blessings onto OMEGA3 every single lifegroup gathering this semester--from regular lifegroup to chapel time to breaking fast to valentine blessing and many more. God has opened the flood gates of heaven and showered down on us. This time it's not water, it's omega3 fatty acids--fatty blessings coming down from heaven!
It's such a blessing to see people carrying out our lifegroup covenant--Openness, Outreach, Ownership, hence O3. People have been sharing so much about themselves and how God has been doing great things in their lives so vulnerably. I can't but see the level of trust that we have been building among one another! We have become one family that we all could turn to and count on. With outreach, God kept adding our numbers, as well as diversity. God is so good, and It's so obvious at lifegroup/outreach events to see that all the regular members trying so hard to reach out to guests and meeting up with them outside of LG times. People are genuinely trying to live out the gospel to demonstrate God's love to each other and to everyone else. This semester OMEGA3 had another opportunity to witness a guest coming to know Christ. How it happened is crazy but in the mist of it, it's too obvious that God had used everyone OMEGA3 to demonstrate His love to her and we got the quota. I learned from everyone to be available to be used by God. He seriously LOVES OMEGA3!
In terms of ownership, it's so obvious because if people don't have ownership; they wouldn't try so hard, and they won't be so committed; they won't be so considerate of others.
Specifically, in Lifegroup this past week, people were sharing like crazy! Thoughts were crashing into each other like crazy! People's thoughts were jumping over each other. But those thoughts were so consistent with each other and I cannot help but see the unity in our minds. Unity comes when we are one-minded worshiping God! It's so true! I'm sooo blessed by OMEGA3 because God has blessed it so much!!!!!
we are so off
This is in LG talking about Uzzah again, and something we talked about was so interesting to us. When Uzzah was killed out of his disobedient (emergency act), all the people in around didn't understand, and they were like... "what the heck?" He didn't understand why God stuck Uzzah for this. Honestly, if I were in that situation, I would do the same thing--go help stabilize the Ark of the Lord. Or if I was in the crowd, I would think the same thing--"what the heack." David also thought of that. He was said to be a man after God's own heart?
What does this say about us?
We are so sinful, and sometimes we don't even understand God's frequency. We are soooooo off! What we thought right might be wrong in God's eyes, and what you might have judged wrong might be the right thing for God. So who are we to tell God he's wrong and blame him for what happened? it's not God's fault, we are just off.
However, God gave us a heart to know him.
"I will give them a heart to know me, that I am the Lord. They will be my people, and I will be their God, for they will return to me with all their heart."
Jeremiah 24:7
I don't know how much love it takes for God to come down from his perfect heaven into this sinful world just for us. And we don't understand him. If I coexist in ten dimensions and the knowledge of the ten of me combined wouldn't be enough to understand God. But he decided to lower himself to come down to earth and let us know him in the form of Jesus Christ even though we are so off! Such a blessing!
God is blowing me away! (maybe I'm off? hahaha)
What does this say about us?
We are so sinful, and sometimes we don't even understand God's frequency. We are soooooo off! What we thought right might be wrong in God's eyes, and what you might have judged wrong might be the right thing for God. So who are we to tell God he's wrong and blame him for what happened? it's not God's fault, we are just off.
However, God gave us a heart to know him.
"I will give them a heart to know me, that I am the Lord. They will be my people, and I will be their God, for they will return to me with all their heart."
Jeremiah 24:7
I don't know how much love it takes for God to come down from his perfect heaven into this sinful world just for us. And we don't understand him. If I coexist in ten dimensions and the knowledge of the ten of me combined wouldn't be enough to understand God. But he decided to lower himself to come down to earth and let us know him in the form of Jesus Christ even though we are so off! Such a blessing!
God is blowing me away! (maybe I'm off? hahaha)
Elephant--God's Character
I am so blessed that MIC still meets and shares. We were able to come together and combine our realizations about God to encourage each other. Like what P. Seth said: the more we learn about God, the more we realize we don't know God. This is very true.
Imagine there's this elephant and a group of blind people. The assignment for the blind people is to go feel the elephant and describe what this elephant is like. So the first person goes and feels the tail--it's furry; the second person goes and feels the trunk--it's rough; the third person goes and feels the leg--it's like thick... their perspective of this elephant is different. However, when they come together, they are able to share with each other, and put together a better picture of this elephant. Even though they didn't touch this elephant on every single part, but because they knew they were touching the same elephant, they were able to learn together a little more about this elephant than on their own and have a better idea how this elephant is like.
God is this elephant and we are the blind people. He graciously showed himself to us--as much as we could understand. But by showing us different characters and putting us together to share with each other, we were able to be encouraged and have a better understanding about God though we could never fully understand Him.
Thanks Lord for your grace and your gift!
Imagine there's this elephant and a group of blind people. The assignment for the blind people is to go feel the elephant and describe what this elephant is like. So the first person goes and feels the tail--it's furry; the second person goes and feels the trunk--it's rough; the third person goes and feels the leg--it's like thick... their perspective of this elephant is different. However, when they come together, they are able to share with each other, and put together a better picture of this elephant. Even though they didn't touch this elephant on every single part, but because they knew they were touching the same elephant, they were able to learn together a little more about this elephant than on their own and have a better idea how this elephant is like.
God is this elephant and we are the blind people. He graciously showed himself to us--as much as we could understand. But by showing us different characters and putting us together to share with each other, we were able to be encouraged and have a better understanding about God though we could never fully understand Him.
Thanks Lord for your grace and your gift!
Cancer Patient
This past Wednesday's lifegroup reminded me agian the magnitude of my salvation--the Gospel.
So we were learning about Uzzah, and he touched the Ark of the Lord and died. That was his emergency reaction. However, his unconscious action still disobeyed God, and God said not to touch the Ark of the Lord whatsoever. So Uzzah was killed.
How many times do I deserve to die? I lie; I hate; I get jealous; I am selfish (1E100000000+ sins not listed). However, I am still alive and well. Why? It's ALL because of Jesus. Every single one of my sins deserves a death sentence, but Jesus took it away. He took it all! I am so good at following the "Gospel outline" these days that I preach that to myself without putting relating it into my life. This bible study just reminded me that every single day of my life the days themselves are a display of God's grace, not to mention the blessings He poured onto me. And I live like I deserve all these--complaining, hating, creating my own agendas (1E100000000+ things not listed).
Imagine a cancer patient, knowing that he could only live for 2 days, how would he feel when he finds out that he is still alive on the 3rd day? Wouldn't he live with such gratitude? Wouldn't he try his best to make something out of this extension of his life?
I didn't even deserve to be born, but God brought me to this earth and showed me His glory. Every single day of my life is an extension and a display of His grace. But look at how I'm living! It shows how I don't understand the magnitude of His love. But he showed me this: my sin is bottomless, yet His love is bigger than that.
God, give me a thankful heart like a cancer patient who finds out on the 3rd day that he is still alive! I deserve many death sentences but you decided to let me live, and it's all because of Jesus! My salvation story is not something small. It's a display of Your grace and Your mercy. Help me to not just live like it's my last day, but like it's an extra day of my life given by you. And help me to give the day fully to you!
So we were learning about Uzzah, and he touched the Ark of the Lord and died. That was his emergency reaction. However, his unconscious action still disobeyed God, and God said not to touch the Ark of the Lord whatsoever. So Uzzah was killed.
How many times do I deserve to die? I lie; I hate; I get jealous; I am selfish (1E100000000+ sins not listed). However, I am still alive and well. Why? It's ALL because of Jesus. Every single one of my sins deserves a death sentence, but Jesus took it away. He took it all! I am so good at following the "Gospel outline" these days that I preach that to myself without putting relating it into my life. This bible study just reminded me that every single day of my life the days themselves are a display of God's grace, not to mention the blessings He poured onto me. And I live like I deserve all these--complaining, hating, creating my own agendas (1E100000000+ things not listed).
Imagine a cancer patient, knowing that he could only live for 2 days, how would he feel when he finds out that he is still alive on the 3rd day? Wouldn't he live with such gratitude? Wouldn't he try his best to make something out of this extension of his life?
I didn't even deserve to be born, but God brought me to this earth and showed me His glory. Every single day of my life is an extension and a display of His grace. But look at how I'm living! It shows how I don't understand the magnitude of His love. But he showed me this: my sin is bottomless, yet His love is bigger than that.
God, give me a thankful heart like a cancer patient who finds out on the 3rd day that he is still alive! I deserve many death sentences but you decided to let me live, and it's all because of Jesus! My salvation story is not something small. It's a display of Your grace and Your mercy. Help me to not just live like it's my last day, but like it's an extra day of my life given by you. And help me to give the day fully to you!
2011/01/27
Countdown
I have about 1.5 years left on my visa term. what does that mean? That means if I don't find a job during senior year or a little after, I am getting on an air plane and going back to China.
I was talking to someone about the freedom of choice. We came to the conclusion that people only complain about the lack of freedom when they are jealous of other people's freedom of choice. I realize that's also the case for me.
I used to be worried that there's a possibility that I might HAVE TO go back to China--that I couldn't choose to stay. However, now I that I think about it, I'm happy that I don't get a choice myself. If God opens door for me to stay here then I will obey and stay. But I if don't get to stay, then that means God doesn't want me here. So if I force it, I won't be obeying God. That would be the ultimate suck--way more than not being able to stay here.
I would be sad to have to leave the place that I will have lived in for 7 years, and where I learned so much of God. But I am excited for the countdown! God is going to show me something exciting really soon!! College is like the "ready, set" and after college is the "go," wherever He wants me to go. I'm excited! :)
I was talking to someone about the freedom of choice. We came to the conclusion that people only complain about the lack of freedom when they are jealous of other people's freedom of choice. I realize that's also the case for me.
I used to be worried that there's a possibility that I might HAVE TO go back to China--that I couldn't choose to stay. However, now I that I think about it, I'm happy that I don't get a choice myself. If God opens door for me to stay here then I will obey and stay. But I if don't get to stay, then that means God doesn't want me here. So if I force it, I won't be obeying God. That would be the ultimate suck--way more than not being able to stay here.
I would be sad to have to leave the place that I will have lived in for 7 years, and where I learned so much of God. But I am excited for the countdown! God is going to show me something exciting really soon!! College is like the "ready, set" and after college is the "go," wherever He wants me to go. I'm excited! :)
Overthrow
Today God helped me realize a little more of why He wants me to keep piano--it is like a mirror that reflects my character.
So many of my struggles with piano are epitomes of what I experience in life. this week as I was getting ready to go into my lesson, because I didn't practice much, I was trying to find excuses to cancel the lesson. However, God convicted me to go. I went.
The reason why I didn't want to go is because I didn't want to see Dr. E disappointed. Also, I didn't want to hear him mad; it's kinda scary. However, God proved my wrong. Dr. E was really patient and helpful despite the lack of practice I had. The lesson went really well, in terms of the material we talked about, I learned a lot of practicing techniques. More than that, God used this lesson to show me a lot of my own character flaws that I wasn't paying attention to.
The problems about my playing points back to the way I practice. Dr. E was able to tell me right away how I practice from listening to me once. It was amazing how he could do that. What he pointed out about my practice was exactly some of the problems in my life. I was ashamed of them, but I am thankful that God pointed them out to me. They are the wholes in my pants. It was eye-opening to see.
Next time I should use a magnifying glass to see into the music school and extrapolate about my life. I think I am seeing a little more of God's purpose for me in the music school.
So many of my struggles with piano are epitomes of what I experience in life. this week as I was getting ready to go into my lesson, because I didn't practice much, I was trying to find excuses to cancel the lesson. However, God convicted me to go. I went.
The reason why I didn't want to go is because I didn't want to see Dr. E disappointed. Also, I didn't want to hear him mad; it's kinda scary. However, God proved my wrong. Dr. E was really patient and helpful despite the lack of practice I had. The lesson went really well, in terms of the material we talked about, I learned a lot of practicing techniques. More than that, God used this lesson to show me a lot of my own character flaws that I wasn't paying attention to.
The problems about my playing points back to the way I practice. Dr. E was able to tell me right away how I practice from listening to me once. It was amazing how he could do that. What he pointed out about my practice was exactly some of the problems in my life. I was ashamed of them, but I am thankful that God pointed them out to me. They are the wholes in my pants. It was eye-opening to see.
Next time I should use a magnifying glass to see into the music school and extrapolate about my life. I think I am seeing a little more of God's purpose for me in the music school.
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