Dang it, but Yay God

This is during Sunday closing worship, I just realized that this past year, my prayer to the lord was off. It was "God fix me," and I get bitter because I thought my prayer prayer wasn't answered. But during closing worship, i just had this strange but familiar feeling when I was praying. I was parying for God to come close to me, and I was asking God to give himself to me. I felt familiar because this was the prayer that I prayed freshman year, and he answered abundantly, strange becasue it felt far from the life that I lived sophomore year. i just realized that I have missed the mark, I thought I hit the center of the dartboard, but not really. I might have hit the other sections on the board, but they are all not quite the center. I realized that I haven't been desirng him, and I was too focused on myself.

But still this is happy, becasue he just offered me this second (maybe this is the 20th) chance to come back to him. As always, he came chasing after me. This time it's not a slap in the face, but it's a gentle guidance to peace, and comfort. He knows exactly what I need. He is renewing my mind again, and it felt fresh!

So dang it I failed, but Yay God cause he picked me up! YAY YAY YAY!!!!!!