revealed

So I wasn't going psycho. I found out what my problem is. All the insecurities, sensitivities, self-righteousness, lack of trust in people all directed me into becoming a control-freak. Because of all the things I went through, I feel like I need to take control over my life so that it won't be messed up. But just look at how messed up it is still. Jean, you cannot save yourself. I KNOW that I cannot save myself, but I DIDN'T KNOW. They are all head knowledge, I never come to realization that I am messed up, and I need someone else to fix me. I don't want to find excuses for my being controlling, and my experiences cannot serve as the excuses. God gave me all those experiences so that I could depend on him, and look what I did. I, with my big head, gave myself a crown thinking that I am so important, that the world wouldn't go around without me, haha! God just revealed to me that how much of this sin is covering me. How messed up I am. This problem is literally covering my whole body that I feel like God will scrape off a whole layer of me to fix me, and it's grown out of my skin, and become part of me, so the scraping process is gonna be super painful. I don't know what kind of surgery I need to go through, but now that I know God is the one in control, I need to trust that he is gonna fix me, and turn me back into the image that he originally made me into. Right Jean?