Title Goes Here

This is my Lot

2012-01-08T00:36:00.000-05:00

I went to my aunt's house today. No acknowledgement, no eye contact, barely any conversation. The things we talked about were necessity, like scheduling.

Part of me hurt a little bit, part of me want to draw away, another part of me want to rebel. God said, Love. I have run out of my love for them. But God said, Love. Therefore, I will take up my cross and Love, when tomorrow comes again, I will love again. Love with God's love. It's my responsibility. My response to God.

This is just a start

2012-01-04T10:38:00.000-05:00

I am in fetal position right now. I'm trying to defend myself, but I can't. God it hurts so much to face my family. So many oppositions, and gets harder right? Is this part of the cost you are trying to call me to pay? Is this my cross that I have to carry? If it is, please please God don't hide your face from me. God please don't let go of me.

I am handcuffed trying to break free, but I didn't know the metals would cut into my wrist and cause me to bleed. I stopped trying, thinking that the hurting might fade away. But I am still bleeding. It is still hurting. I have to break free somehow to completely stop the bleeding and be healed. God please teach me how.

when God tries to humble me

2011-12-18T19:30:00.000-05:00

so you know how a plunger works... and imagine the red part being your face.

That's what God's been doing with me: "Jean, be humble, I can do things with or without you." Of course he's practicing his skill of plunging when he's telling me these things. So the result is my face falls flat on the ground, or the toilet if you will. Lifegroup leading, School, Piano, Resume, Job hunting... all these things... so many!

But some how God is pulling me through, and showing me that his grace is the only thing I can count on. What I have in front of God is simply filthy rags, and he's never tired of proving it to me. But he's also not tired of giving me grace and showing me how much he loves me!

I should jus have peace

2011-12-10T22:22:00.001-05:00

Today was our baptism, but it was also Jessie's birthday dinner. CLASH.

After baptism and band breakdown-setup were over, I called them, no one picked up. I got stressed instantly, thinking that because I couldn't make it, they refused to pick up my calls. However, God above all these lies whispered: Jean, they just couldn't hear it. Don't be overly sensitive. This time I decided to trust God, and those stress started going away. 3 hours later (just now) my aunt calls me telling me that she didn't here the phone ringing on the table, and had missed the 2 calls that I had made. We even chatted about other things.

God is showing me that I cannot control the smallest things. and just trust in Him and everything will be fine. Even though this issue is so small, it's a constant decision to trust in God and, I thank God for helping me take steps to practice in trust. :)

I will be still know You are God.

piano and life

2011-11-30T00:15:00.000-05:00

Today in studio class, Dr. Ellis said something that made me think.

He told someone who had stage fright to practice being on stage. According to him, we are supposed to scare the daylight out of us every time and get used to the feeling so that when we actually go on stage, we won't be foreign to the feeling. This is a very logical approach.

But it's wrong!

We should never take his approach. You can never simulate the environment unless you are actually there, so practicing being in fear may help a little, but it doesn't solve the root of the problem. What if you are expecting a huge mass of audience, larger than ever before, how are you gonna simulate and get used to that? The experience is too rare and unusual to simulate. More importantly, why would you drench yourself with fear? What we should do, is that we should be drenched in the peace of God, and practice the have peace even when we are performing. As the bible says: "Perfect love drives out fear."--1 John 4:18. We have the love of God. And the love of God is with us wherever we are, including the stage. When we practice to have peace we would always be familiar with the environment--we are right in God's crib as usually. Nothing would be able to alarm us.

This goes with everything else in life. Instead of approaching struggles with fear, we should know that we are given peace. Even though on the outside, it looks all the same--that we are going through struggles(performing in my case). But the attitude we use in approaching them makes a huge difference.

I need to trust God and have peace. BUT IT'S SOOOOO HARD!!!

But God loves me to let me see what to do, and He's kind enough to show me how to do it :)

Piano is the microcosm of my life.

things God is trying to show me

2011-11-07T10:24:00.000-05:00

1. obedience--cuz I have none, I like getting things my way. If they don't turn out the way I want, I manipulate to get my way. I have to stop that and just obey God and follow His way.

2. Waiting--I am not patient; that's part of the reason why I don't obey. Just wait Jean, the best will come later. Don't settle for anything less than the best. Have faith and wait.

3. Discipline--I am soooo not disciplined. I can't even commit to small things like waking up for morning prayer. If I can't get up for MP to meet the most important person in my life, how am I suppose to commit to waking up everyday for work?

4. Pure heart to desire God--This is interesting, flipped through a friend's bible, and there were tones of markings and side comments inside, and one of them really hit me:

"Since they could not get him to Jesus because of the crowd, they made an opening in the roof above Jesus and, after digging through it, lowered the mat the paralyzed man was lying on." Mark 2:4

"because of the crowd" was underlined and on the side, it said:"people get in the way." Yup, that's exactly what was happening to me. I put God behind the crowd and I couldn't get to him. But he was always there reaching out to me and He asked me:"Jean, what happened to the child of mine who just cared about me? Where did that child go?"

He wants to be loved by me. He desires me, and wants me to desire Him, too. So simple. However, I put the crowd between us. But he is showing me where I should be... I should be on the roof where I could see him. I should climb over the whole crowd cuz they don't matter. My eyes should be set on Him... and Him alone.

I want to...

2011-09-21T22:51:00.002-04:00

I want to give you a hug God.

God Wants Me to Respond to Him

2011-09-13T01:08:00.000-04:00

Love the Lord, and Love His people.
Love is patient, love is kind...
Love is so hard, but God calls me to love like Jesus.
Jesus loved the people who nailed Him to the cross, and God demands me to love just like that.
He will not give me anything I cannot bear, and right now, he only called me to love on a smaller scale, but even that is so hard.

it's your kindness Lord, that leads us to repentance...(not condemnation)
So God tells me to show kindness to dad so that he could come to Him and repent.
He set me up to be able to do that, but witnessing someone do that is just too powerful.
Kindness brought repentance, and this little bit of obedience on my side brought reconciliation.

However, God is saying: "Jean, there is more, and know that I am God, not you. I have everything is control, and even if things don't go your way, are you going to obey and glorify me? Are you gonna have joy if this is the best thing that could happen to you and your family? I am God, I know what's best for my people."

Yes.
This is the biggest act of obedience I've ever done so far. But I know God demands more.
He is just saving them it for later.
God has been showing me his kindness all along, and now it's time for me to respond. He loves me too much to leave me as the old wineskin. He wants to renew me.
Even though things didn't all go the way I had prayed, but I know that God is greater.
My eyes have seen Holy.

Jean, have more faith, and more is to come. God's got it all.

Summer 2011 in China (short)

2011-09-13T00:45:00.000-04:00

1. Interned with the Chinese Government, learned a lot of things--good and bad
2. Dad came to know Christ--PTL!!!!! and he's paying my tuition.
3. Served with mom's church. learned a lot about loving people and God's heart for his people through worship, sermons, talking to people, and bible study.

too much to say...

I miss home!!!!!!!!!!

2011-06-24T00:32:00.000-04:00

I miss Ginkgo trees,
I miss bamboo chairs,
I miss the lively street vendors at 1am,
I miss the sound of people bargaining at fresh produce markets,
I miss seeing students with baggy uniforms,
I miss the steams of hotpot,
I miss the foods that become more and more delicious every day,
I miss ancient buildings,
I miss the 7-minute walk from home to school,
I miss the walk after dinner,
I miss my elementary school teachers,
I miss the rapeseed fields,
I miss picking peaches,
I miss building stoves and burning peanuts,
I miss being able to walk everywhere,
I miss worshiping in Chinese with the house church,
I miss the air,
I miss the streets,
I miss the bowl-shaped city,
I miss Grandma,
I miss Dad,
I miss Mom,
I miss home!

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Double Door

2011-03-09T01:31:00.001-05:00

1 Corinthians 10:13
No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And god is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

God's protection is like a double door, I guard the first one; he guards the second. All temptations that come my way are common to man, and he will not let me be tempted beyond my capacity, but sometimes my spirit is willing but the body is weak. I open up the first door. However God is much stronger guarding the second door. He knows that I will fall, so he said when I am tempted, he will provide a way out, so I can stand up under it. God loves me and protects me. I love God, and I need him. I need him so much. I cannot guard the arrows that come against me from all directions, but even when I fail, God guards my heart with that second door, so I am safe in his protection.

2 Thessalonians 3:3
But the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen and protect you from the evil one.

Psalm 119:11
I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.
--I want to be able to say that someday.

Ordinary Man, Extraordinary God...Amen!!!

2011-02-13T16:56:00.000-05:00

Lifegroup tops my expectation every week this semester!

God has showered his blessings onto OMEGA3 every single lifegroup gathering this semester--from regular lifegroup to chapel time to breaking fast to valentine blessing and many more. God has opened the flood gates of heaven and showered down on us. This time it's not water, it's omega3 fatty acids--fatty blessings coming down from heaven!

It's such a blessing to see people carrying out our lifegroup covenant--Openness, Outreach, Ownership, hence O3. People have been sharing so much about themselves and how God has been doing great things in their lives so vulnerably. I can't but see the level of trust that we have been building among one another! We have become one family that we all could turn to and count on. With outreach, God kept adding our numbers, as well as diversity. God is so good, and It's so obvious at lifegroup/outreach events to see that all the regular members trying so hard to reach out to guests and meeting up with them outside of LG times. People are genuinely trying to live out the gospel to demonstrate God's love to each other and to everyone else. This semester OMEGA3 had another opportunity to witness a guest coming to know Christ. How it happened is crazy but in the mist of it, it's too obvious that God had used everyone OMEGA3 to demonstrate His love to her and we got the quota. I learned from everyone to be available to be used by God. He seriously LOVES OMEGA3!

In terms of ownership, it's so obvious because if people don't have ownership; they wouldn't try so hard, and they won't be so committed; they won't be so considerate of others.

Specifically, in Lifegroup this past week, people were sharing like crazy! Thoughts were crashing into each other like crazy! People's thoughts were jumping over each other. But those thoughts were so consistent with each other and I cannot help but see the unity in our minds. Unity comes when we are one-minded worshiping God! It's so true! I'm sooo blessed by OMEGA3 because God has blessed it so much!!!!!

we are so off

2011-02-13T16:19:00.000-05:00

This is in LG talking about Uzzah again, and something we talked about was so interesting to us. When Uzzah was killed out of his disobedient (emergency act), all the people in around didn't understand, and they were like... "what the heck?" He didn't understand why God stuck Uzzah for this. Honestly, if I were in that situation, I would do the same thing--go help stabilize the Ark of the Lord. Or if I was in the crowd, I would think the same thing--"what the heack." David also thought of that. He was said to be a man after God's own heart?

What does this say about us?

We are so sinful, and sometimes we don't even understand God's frequency. We are soooooo off! What we thought right might be wrong in God's eyes, and what you might have judged wrong might be the right thing for God. So who are we to tell God he's wrong and blame him for what happened? it's not God's fault, we are just off.

However, God gave us a heart to know him.

"I will give them a heart to know me, that I am the Lord. They will be my people, and I will be their God, for they will return to me with all their heart."
Jeremiah 24:7

I don't know how much love it takes for God to come down from his perfect heaven into this sinful world just for us. And we don't understand him. If I coexist in ten dimensions and the knowledge of the ten of me combined wouldn't be enough to understand God. But he decided to lower himself to come down to earth and let us know him in the form of Jesus Christ even though we are so off! Such a blessing!

God is blowing me away! (maybe I'm off? hahaha)

Elephant--God's Character

2011-02-13T03:05:00.000-05:00

I am so blessed that MIC still meets and shares. We were able to come together and combine our realizations about God to encourage each other. Like what P. Seth said: the more we learn about God, the more we realize we don't know God. This is very true.

Imagine there's this elephant and a group of blind people. The assignment for the blind people is to go feel the elephant and describe what this elephant is like. So the first person goes and feels the tail--it's furry; the second person goes and feels the trunk--it's rough; the third person goes and feels the leg--it's like thick... their perspective of this elephant is different. However, when they come together, they are able to share with each other, and put together a better picture of this elephant. Even though they didn't touch this elephant on every single part, but because they knew they were touching the same elephant, they were able to learn together a little more about this elephant than on their own and have a better idea how this elephant is like.

God is this elephant and we are the blind people. He graciously showed himself to us--as much as we could understand. But by showing us different characters and putting us together to share with each other, we were able to be encouraged and have a better understanding about God though we could never fully understand Him.

Thanks Lord for your grace and your gift!

Cancer Patient

2011-02-13T02:01:00.002-05:00

This past Wednesday's lifegroup reminded me agian the magnitude of my salvation--the Gospel.

So we were learning about Uzzah, and he touched the Ark of the Lord and died. That was his emergency reaction. However, his unconscious action still disobeyed God, and God said not to touch the Ark of the Lord whatsoever. So Uzzah was killed.

How many times do I deserve to die? I lie; I hate; I get jealous; I am selfish (1E100000000+ sins not listed). However, I am still alive and well. Why? It's ALL because of Jesus. Every single one of my sins deserves a death sentence, but Jesus took it away. He took it all! I am so good at following the "Gospel outline" these days that I preach that to myself without putting relating it into my life. This bible study just reminded me that every single day of my life the days themselves are a display of God's grace, not to mention the blessings He poured onto me. And I live like I deserve all these--complaining, hating, creating my own agendas (1E100000000+ things not listed).

Imagine a cancer patient, knowing that he could only live for 2 days, how would he feel when he finds out that he is still alive on the 3rd day? Wouldn't he live with such gratitude? Wouldn't he try his best to make something out of this extension of his life?

I didn't even deserve to be born, but God brought me to this earth and showed me His glory. Every single day of my life is an extension and a display of His grace. But look at how I'm living! It shows how I don't understand the magnitude of His love. But he showed me this: my sin is bottomless, yet His love is bigger than that.

God, give me a thankful heart like a cancer patient who finds out on the 3rd day that he is still alive! I deserve many death sentences but you decided to let me live, and it's all because of Jesus! My salvation story is not something small. It's a display of Your grace and Your mercy. Help me to not just live like it's my last day, but like it's an extra day of my life given by you. And help me to give the day fully to you!

Countdown

2011-01-27T02:29:00.000-05:00

I have about 1.5 years left on my visa term. what does that mean? That means if I don't find a job during senior year or a little after, I am getting on an air plane and going back to China.

I was talking to someone about the freedom of choice. We came to the conclusion that people only complain about the lack of freedom when they are jealous of other people's freedom of choice. I realize that's also the case for me.

I used to be worried that there's a possibility that I might HAVE TO go back to China--that I couldn't choose to stay. However, now I that I think about it, I'm happy that I don't get a choice myself. If God opens door for me to stay here then I will obey and stay. But I if don't get to stay, then that means God doesn't want me here. So if I force it, I won't be obeying God. That would be the ultimate suck--way more than not being able to stay here.

I would be sad to have to leave the place that I will have lived in for 7 years, and where I learned so much of God. But I am excited for the countdown! God is going to show me something exciting really soon!! College is like the "ready, set" and after college is the "go," wherever He wants me to go. I'm excited! :)

Overthrow

2011-01-27T02:05:00.000-05:00

Today God helped me realize a little more of why He wants me to keep piano--it is like a mirror that reflects my character.

So many of my struggles with piano are epitomes of what I experience in life. this week as I was getting ready to go into my lesson, because I didn't practice much, I was trying to find excuses to cancel the lesson. However, God convicted me to go. I went.

The reason why I didn't want to go is because I didn't want to see Dr. E disappointed. Also, I didn't want to hear him mad; it's kinda scary. However, God proved my wrong. Dr. E was really patient and helpful despite the lack of practice I had. The lesson went really well, in terms of the material we talked about, I learned a lot of practicing techniques. More than that, God used this lesson to show me a lot of my own character flaws that I wasn't paying attention to.

The problems about my playing points back to the way I practice. Dr. E was able to tell me right away how I practice from listening to me once. It was amazing how he could do that. What he pointed out about my practice was exactly some of the problems in my life. I was ashamed of them, but I am thankful that God pointed them out to me. They are the wholes in my pants. It was eye-opening to see.

Next time I should use a magnifying glass to see into the music school and extrapolate about my life. I think I am seeing a little more of God's purpose for me in the music school.

Turtles

2010-09-26T01:46:00.000-04:00

We are like turtles slowly swimming in the sea. We go to places where we are stuck. We flap our arms, but we don't go anywhere. But if we just go back into our shells, God will come and give it a kick, and when we land, we will find our Narnia.

unplug yourself

2010-09-07T20:01:00.000-04:00

This is what my teacher told us today during studio class, and I thought it was interesting. He said as a musician, we need to unplug ourselves from all the technology and the life worries, so that we could focus on the music. Sometimes when we are playing, we don't seem to go anywhere because we are moving our fingers but thinking about different things in our mind.

This very much applies to what I need to do with my relationship with God. I can go through the lip motion, and the doing. But I get distracted by what I need to do next that I cannot concentrate. Sometimes I don't even remember the prayers that I prayed a moment ago. Here is me, with many plugs attached to me, and they are all attached to different things from different direction, I want to move forward to God, but I am just so stuck that I cannot go anywhere. Yes, I need to unplug myself and focus on God. Get rid of all my plugs hanging on my tail and plug into God. That's what I need to do.

God can take a simple prayer a long way! and it burns...

2010-09-02T01:59:00.000-04:00

Today in the Blue Apple, there was a lot of people attending Bursley Game Night. The two groups sent over were greatly out numbered. At first I was hoping to see some people from frizbee yesterday at the reflection pool, but very few came out. The rest of the people are all strangers. I was dissapointed because I wanted to build deeper relationship with some of them, and I was thinking: how can I do that when they don't even show up? we started playing games with some people, and as more and more people came in, the Blapple because really loud and crowded. My dissapointment became bigger, I prayed to God :"God I am not coming up here to just play some board games with these freshmen, and if this is the only purpose, I'd rather go down and bring people to the movie night. And if this room-full of people is who your heart is after, then don't let this night go by like this. Show me you are here."

After that, for about 3 hours, God was just moving like crzay. Dan and I shared the gospel with a Thai Buddhist, and he was really touched by it and wanted to bring his devout-buddhist mom to new encounter. He said that he went to an international school in Thai and it is Catholic run, but no one told him the Good News. I felt the spirit moving in him. More over, in the middle of sharing the gospel, this other guy jumped into the discussion while playing monopoly, and was going in between the game and the conversation. After the Thai person left, Dan and I were able to have a great conversation with him who was born in a Christian family but doesn't understand how Jesus is both human and God, and this whole concept of trinity. What's crazy is that he is really curious about what the truth is and really passionate about finding out the truth, that he is willing to push back the date of going home to celebrate his brother's birthday so that he could make it to New Encouter. We all decided we are gonna learn more about the concept of the trinity together.

God is truely there tonight, and he moves in directions that I cannot imagin. Even I was a little dissapointed starting off, I was sooo privileged and blessed coming out. All the glory is His, and I'm speechless about how a simple prayer (more like a complaint) could be brought so far. He is crazy and alive!!!! He doens't need my plans and visions. All he needs is a simple act of obedience that when opportunity comes, Jean, you take it. God is soooo good and there are gonna be greater things to come!

1 Sam 30

2010-09-02T00:58:00.000-04:00

So David was sent back to the land that the king of Philistine assigned to him, but he found out that the Amalekites had taken captive their women and children, but have not harmed any. the soldiers were in great distress, and they talked about stoning David.

David found strength from God. and got direction from God that he should pursue the Amalekites and take back his and his men's familes. On the way to chase the enemies, 200/600 ditched David, because they were too tired. They stayed with the supplies. When David found an Egyptian on the way, he still gave him food to eat--raisin cake and drink. The raisin cake is probably nothing compare to what they could have had, but they lacked women to cook for them, David still generously gave to the Egyptian whose anscestor tortured David's. The Egyptian led them to concuring the Amalekites and saving their family.

while the 400/600 refused to share with the 200, David rebuked them and told them to share, because they are not to decide for what God had given to them. The people in the "back stage" with the supplies are just as equal as the ones fighting in the front.

This is the man who chased after God's own heart.

Toothpaste

2010-07-23T00:25:00.000-04:00

When people squeeze the toothpaste, the paste comes out. If no one squeezes it, then it just sits there, and do nothing. I am like a toothpaste who react instead of proact.

Formulas

2010-07-21T00:11:00.000-04:00

I am a math major. I look at formulas, plug in numbers over and over; answers come out.
I am a piano major. I look at patterns, play the notes over and over; music come out.
I am a believer. I listen to sermons, apply sermon notes over and over; opps...

This summer, I find myself wanting to grow in Christ, which is good. However, I still like to take things onto myself. I like to take practical steps. When I find them working, I tend to repeat them, thinking that they are the things that bring me growth. And to my surprise (haha, "to my surprise"), most of the times they don't work. And I wonder why. I fail to realize that God wants to guide me in the learning process, and I am not supposed to repeat certain motions brainlessly. It might give me some growth, but it'll not get me too far.

I am like this girl who's going across the ocean with her dad, and for the first two days, Dad is like: "Jean, let me teach you how to swim." After learning them, I kind of told Dad: "Hey dad, I can take care of myself, and I'll meet you on the other side of the ocean." Before Dad could say anything, I start swimming, thinking that I know all the moves.

If I keep going, I would be in the middle of the ocean, tired and not knowing which direction to turn to. Dad, of course, would come and rescue me, and would say to me: "Jean, after you learned swimming, I want to teach you sailing so you can get there fast and safely."

It's this concept of practice VS. principle again. I really need to know that why things are done a certain way, and why I am practicing them. I need to understand the formulas, learn the functions of the music patterns, and listen to God's guidance.

So... yeah, superglue yourself to God, Jean.

apps

2010-06-29T00:30:00.000-04:00

Jean, Listen!
Jean, stop being selfish; it's not about you.
Jean, if you make a mistake, it's okay, there's grace.
Jean, remember what you just wrote.

I am really privileged

2010-06-28T22:02:00.000-04:00

Today is the first day when CSMP 2010 started field work at CCA, and immediately God showed me how privileged but unappreciative I am. So when we drove into the parking lot, the first thought I had in mind was "oh this high school is not that bad." However, not until I talked to the students, and started tutoring with them did I notice that their learning environment is just a low quality stuffing under this nice pillowcase. And this really broke my heart.

First of all, they are really smart kids who are perfectly capable of learning, but the fact that they are here and the juniors are struggling recovering their credits for algebra 1 is a shock. Because when I taught them what to do, and tested them on the knowledge, they are perfectly capable of doing it. But a lot of them when they first asked for help, they couldn't even do -1 + 5. what a simple expression that I thought I didn't have to think to come up with 4. Yet, they had to try so hard and after multiple guesses to realize it's the same as 5-1 using the associative property. How can such simple math that I thought so natural for us be so difficult for them? They are not stupid, but they just couldn't do it. I was definitely immersed in an enviornment that is so encouraging and so specially prepared for my study in school, and if they are really trained their habits, knowledge, and are encouraged constantly, I believe they can be just as good as any of us on the team. On the other hand, the fact that it took me to grow this old to realize that it's a privilege to be here and be exposed to so much resource and help shows that I am definitely not thankful enough to my giver.

Another anecdote today is today when the first class was about over--close to 10:30, the chemistry student I was tutoring picked up so much interest for chemistry that when we were dismissed, She asked me if I could stay a little longer to help her finish the section. I cannot say no to her, even though I was mad hungry. Again, I was thinking why this kind of student would be required to do summer school for credit recovery. What kind of environment do they live in that they couldn't have peace doing what they would be interested in if they were given a quiet classroom like this one? I wanted to know her story. All the kids there are so precious.

Second of all, for myself, I realize how much I assumption I make in my mind about the people around me. I assume they think like I do, they live like I do, and not until I saw these students was I reminded again how different people are when we are only about 50 minutes far from each other. my high school was the biggest areawise in the whole state of michigan. We had everything, but these people don't have art, music, drama and other elective classes. I really need to ask people about their life, care for them. and have more compassion about what they are going through.

So overall, today was a good experience to see the life of poeple, and to see how privileged I am and how much blessing it could be for them fromt the little help I could give. This summer will be really good.

Submission

2010-06-07T20:38:00.000-04:00

This is what Anna said last week during lifegroup.

So, submission is not when God closes all the possible doors and leave one for you, and you say: "Okay God, I guess this is the door you are opening for me. I submit to you by walking through." No, that's not submission at all! You have no choice. However, it is when God leaves many doors open, and they all look very appealing, you actively pray to God asking which door He wants you to choose. Then you submit to him by going through that door and taking the paths behind it. And I suck at submitting to Him. My mind wanders around too much that I am so distracted by the doors thinking that I am so capable. Jean, chill and pray! There is a decision to make.

I'm a leaking cup!

2010-06-06T00:36:00.000-04:00

So here is the image that came to me today. I realize that I am a cup. This winter God is trying to fill me to a certain level. But I am a leaking cup, and the water is leaking out slowly. But fortunately God is also dropping water into it, and with a faster rate that the leak. Like what JSA had us do during missions--the iron chair drills, and he said ministry is hard, and ministry with sin is harder. I agree, and my leaks are exactly what sin is doing--draining me out. but God's sovereign hands are still covering me, He's got my back, and is going to plug those leaks on the cup, and i'm very very very looking forward to getting to the line that God taped on my cup--where he wants me to be--even though it takes dying :) He redeems!!

Dang it, but Yay God

2010-05-17T01:19:00.000-04:00

This is during Sunday closing worship, I just realized that this past year, my prayer to the lord was off. It was "God fix me," and I get bitter because I thought my prayer prayer wasn't answered. But during closing worship, i just had this strange but familiar feeling when I was praying. I was parying for God to come close to me, and I was asking God to give himself to me. I felt familiar because this was the prayer that I prayed freshman year, and he answered abundantly, strange becasue it felt far from the life that I lived sophomore year. i just realized that I have missed the mark, I thought I hit the center of the dartboard, but not really. I might have hit the other sections on the board, but they are all not quite the center. I realized that I haven't been desirng him, and I was too focused on myself.

But still this is happy, becasue he just offered me this second (maybe this is the 20th) chance to come back to him. As always, he came chasing after me. This time it's not a slap in the face, but it's a gentle guidance to peace, and comfort. He knows exactly what I need. He is renewing my mind again, and it felt fresh!

So dang it I failed, but Yay God cause he picked me up! YAY YAY YAY!!!!!!

Good Job Faithful Servant

2010-05-15T00:44:00.000-04:00

So this is Rebi's challenge for us yesterday as we met as hospitality team. He challenged us when we stare at the ceiling before we go to sleep at night, to reflect on our day and see if God would say to us “good job my faithful servants! I am pleased with you.” As I was thinking and reflecting on that thought, I really cannot say that God is pleased with my serving this past year. The scripture says: “lean not on your own understandings. In all your ways acknowledge him....” I don't think I did that very much.

Couple weeks ago, Nayoung drew this chart for me that really revealed to me what I have been doing. It's like a binomial model chart, where there are two branches, each represent two choices that people can make. First branch says lean on your own will, and the second says lean on God's will. Of those two choices, each choice had two more branches extending out from them, and they are the possible results that one could get from making those choice. If I choose to lean on my own will, then I either become prideful when I'm doing well, or become bitter when I'm not doing so well. The results from leaning on God's will is when I'm doing well, I give glory to God, but when I'm not doing so well, it's okay, because there is grace. As visual as I am, that chart really spoke to me and reminded me that I am constantly hopping back and forth between being proud of myself and being bitter. My choice never changed—leaning on myself. And Tina was right, we are constantly in this state of bitterness; it's by God's grace that we are doing well. Therefore, Jean, lean not on your own understandings, and delight yourself in the Lord.

So God is great in sending me people to remind me and rebuke me. Definitely without these, I cannot get out of my state of bitterness. He is really really good, like really really really good to me! The feelings from freshmen year is back, and during prayer gathering today, I could “feel” him standing next to me, and only this time I know it's different because the feelings are grounded in the words. I am happy, and I am really excited for what he's going to do this summer! Hopefully someday, when I stare at the ceiling, I will hear him say: “good job my faithful servant! I am pleased with your work :) .

Yay God!

Girl with a big head

2010-04-02T00:46:00.001-04:00

So I'm a girl with a really big head, aka, I am very attention seeking. I might not want to be under the spotlight physically, but mentally I always want to be the at the center stage. The scary thing is that sometimes I don't know. I blame it to the single child syndrome, but I know that it's from my sinful nature. Because of this, and I've wronged a lot of people because of this whether they know or not. Most importantly, I've wronged God.

I like the song that goes: "I am a friend of God, I am a friend of God, I am a friend of God, He calls me friend." But my friendship with God a lot of times is one-sided where God chases after me, I am constantly turning away from Him. Seems like I am chasing after something else. So Jean, what are you chasing after? i'm chasing after this meism that I set for myself. I am the biggest self-worshipper in the world. I want to please people, so they recognize how good i am; i want to do well in school so I can take pride; I want to ... so i feel good. Ha! what a fool!

But today, as we were singing, I realize that God is not going to give up on me, because i am this filthy, infact, I just realize today that there's something that He cannot do--he cannot not love me, not for a single moment. Even when he is filled with sorrow, he still cries out: "father, forgive Jean, for she doesn't know what she is doing." Indeed, I am the one who betrayed my friend; I am the one who whipped him and left bloody marks; I am the one who nailed Him to the cross, and I am still doing that. However, even with that, he still loves me. He loves me constantly, but I cannot constantly love him back. I wanna say I do, but my behavior shows that I don't.

I am overwhelmed by how deeply rooted this one sin is, not to mention that this is just the tip of the iceberg. There are so many more sins that I need to learn about before I work on them. But I am also overwhelmed by the love from God that I received, and I don't know all of it. One thing I do know for sure though, is that His love is SO much greater than my sins.

No matter how big my head is and not matter how sinful I am and how many times I betray my friend, He will not give up on me, and he always forgives me. And knowing this overwhelmes me!

My specific prayer

2010-03-25T01:10:00.000-04:00

So about my last blog post...
This is really funny, cuz I connected my blog with buzz not knowing that the last blog entry will be put on. the entry was written days before I connected the two. But this is even better, cuz I made the prayer asking God whether he wants me to keep going with piano by asking for a scholarship.

But before going into the results, here is why I am asking this question.

First of all, I found piano really hard this semester, and I think it is definately my slump. So for a while I didn't have motivation to practice. I also wanted to quit, but after discovering that it was completely out of my own failure, and laziness, and lack of discipline, I told God that I am not going to give up just because it becomes hard. I am really thankful that I found many motivations and inspirations from God.

However, things really started getting wobbly, I don't know if piano is what God wants me to pursue any more. Because that will be an extra year of tuition, and I don't know what he wants me to do with it. So I said: " God, if keep going with piano is your plan for me, then grant that scholarship, and if I don't get it, then that means you don't want me to keep going with it. And I will quit."

So it's been a month of waiting, and today I finally got the answer. I got the mail from the music school after coming home from LG. I opened it, and it ways "I am pleased to inform you...."

Yeah, so Praise the Lord I got a scholarship, and he has answered my prayer specificly.

PTL for the scholarship, but more, PTL for the direction he gave me. Now he has given me this chance to obey him, and I will. I know the rest is up to me, but I will do it! With his strength, I can do it!

God is good and faithful! I have a great God!

What are you busy doing?

2010-03-16T19:36:00.000-04:00

Jean, what are you busy doing?
why is it that you always run out of time--for anything!
God created this universe for you to enjoy, and you re just so consumed in your own tasks and deadlines.
stop and think, Jean.
what made you so busy?
you have one more month left! it's up to you to decide whether you wanna keep going or not, and if you make that decision, you'd better stick to it! do not give up when things become hard, and stop and think, what is it that God want you to learn in this area.

His plan is perfect for you, and you just made a very specific prayer that if you receive scholarship from the music school, God wants you to keep going in the field, if not, drop it. So now, just be patient and wait.
He will answer soon!

Jean, don't rush to places. Stop and listen to His voice. Where does he want you to go? You cannot multitask, so you need to stop all you are doing, and listen!

HOME

2010-01-28T23:28:00.000-05:00

Today, I came across a video clip about my hometown. It was a video made by four people, no one special. They wrote a song singing about my hometown. It's funny, and entertaining. in the clip they showed parts of the city, and it just got me. I didn't realize how much I miss home, the streets, the tea houses, the scene of old people playing Taichi in the morning. I just want to be home, and be embraced in that environment again. I watched more clips. I remember it was these scenes that constantly came to my dreams at night when I first came to the U.S. Like what it said in one of the video clips: Chengdu, a city you don't want to leave. I forgot about it for a while, and now I am just reminded of how beautiful it is and how much I love it.

At the same time, I thought to myself: Heaven is just like home, except it's Home, it's where I am going to be ultimately. It's the most beautiful place. I remembered all the encounters I had with Heaven and the God that created it. I remembered the joy and peace that it brought to me, the hand that picked me up whenever I fell, the laughter when I was laughing, and the tears when I was crying. Ironically, I forgot where Home was, forgot that even though I am not there right now, there is room for me. I forgot who is waiting for me there. The memories of home brought me memories of Home. At Home, my Father is waiting for me.

To the LORD your God belong the heavens, even the highest heavens, the earth and everything in it. (Deut. 10:14) Where he is is where home is.

what a beautiful sight

2010-01-17T23:32:00.000-05:00

This morning was the last service, and the service was really good and inspiring, but i was really touched by our communion. we went up row by row and took the bread and the cup, and i was standing in the last row, and as the first couple rows empties out, I see people walking up with a humble heart one by one, and coming down, and when I saw the brothers and sisters who accepted jesusthe night before go up and take communion for the first time, it was just an incredible sight, I was so touched by them. They took a step of faith to walk into God's kingdom, and to walk into this community of christ followers. It was really touching.

However, I also noticed that there are still a couple friends who were sitting and waiting for their row to come back--they cannot take the communion yet. It just break my heart seeing that they still don't know christ yet, but seeing the new believers also gave me hope that someday, the non-believers will also come to the front and praise God and take communion with their brothers and sisters.

So Lord i pray that you bless and protect the brothers and sisters who decided to follow you. Thanks for choosing them, and make yourself known to them. Please grow them according to your image, so that they may go out and represent you immediately, and influence other people. I also pray for those who still don't yet know you, may they someday put on their glasses and be able to know that you were with them all along, and they could finally see your kingdom and the hope you are offering them. May they take a step of faith to believe in you and to follow you.

Amen

running on empty: Combating burnout

2010-01-17T23:19:00.000-05:00

This is saturday night's sermon, and the passage is all over the place. but mainly Pastor Dave talked about some reasons why we have a spiritual burnout. I agree that we should not blame God for the things that are going wrong, but really look into our hearts to see what's going on there. He talked about four falures in ourselves that causes the burnout--intimacy fail, perspective fail, integrety fail, and Capacity fail.

First of all, the intimacy fail, a lot of times, we start doing things excitedly, but after a while it becomes draining. We cannot even stand thinking about it. How come? to put in Pastor Dave's works: "we are so good for doing stuff for stuff's sake that we forget the person we are doing it for." Basically we got too caught up in the deeds. a lot of time I really need to check my heart before serving, or else it just becomes routinely smile, shake hands, lead people to their seat.... I forgot that I am providing service for God's people or future children of God. I forget that I am doing all these for him, not for me to earn any glory. At least it should be the case. If my heart is not right, then there's no meaning in serving God.

Second, the perspective fail. "We think what we have is awesome until someone else comes over." I tend to compare and judge a lot, which gives me a lot of insecurities. However, knowing God should be already a blessing instead of comparing the worldly things--who's car is the best, who has the prettiest wife.... When we have the right perspective, we won't have a burn out, we would just keep wanting to do it. I really like the glasses analygy that he gave: when my eyes starts to go bad, i won't immediately realize this, but someday when someone tells me to get glasses, and when I put on that glasses, I would suddenly realize that "the world has texture." like in Psalm 73, where Asaph was complaining how God does care how the iraelites acted toward him, they could do whatever they wanted to, but Asaph as a follower of God had to obey so many rules. He was bitter, until one day he entered into the tabernacle, and there he found God. There, he put on his glasses, and saw the texture of the world. The same with me, but God is really patient with me, and he provides me glasses to see the world and myself clearly. and I pray that I will not lose my sight again.

Third, Integrity fail. this is what I always do. I am in God's fan club but forgot to personally spend time with him, to talk to him. I am like a gypocrite who was good at acting, being others, but fail to recognize who I really am. and in matthew 6:24: no one can serve two masters.... This is really true and I like the brutal example he gave where a man betrays his wife and has affair witha nother woman. the man might still love his wife, but after time, the wife that he promised to commit to starts to look differently, and this is exactly how we are with God, that we have affairs with the worldly idols and when we fall deep enough, we forget about the God we once knew. So we get burnt out. because we no longer have the interest in doing something for the one we stopped loving.

the fourth one is Capacity fail, we always linger on the former glory we had and forgot that we stopped practicing and stopped growing that we could not reach the level we once were, and if we still try to do the same things, or carry the same burden, we would just fail. Even though we don't believe ourselves, and we always say: "I used to be able to do it!" yes, I USED to. that's because we used to have the capacity to do it. When we stop growing, time will get us hard. though our memory was in the past, the reality goes on. same thing, if we want to grow spiritually, we need to first keep the capacity, and then expand it. We cannot do the adult work with the faith like child. and Jean you fail at this all the time as well. and if you want more challenges from God, and if you want to see him work more powerfully, you gotta challenge yourself, and be faithful!

the things you learned at this retreat will count as nothing unless you start carrying them out after learning about them.

The creative spark

2010-01-17T22:53:00.000-05:00

This is the topic of friday night service, the passage is on Genesis 1. pastor Dave Lee talked about four characteristics of God which opened my eyes. He said that God is explosive, Imaginative, life-loving and beautiful.

The thing that stuck out to me the most is that in terms of his explosiveness, when God is creating something, he doens't do it tentatively, he does it boldly, with all the guts. Like the stars in the sky, to put it in Pastor Dave's words, he was in his "star phase" and he speaks those countless stars into existence, adn they are beautiful. So don't try to stop God--don't try to take control, only when I let go, will God take full control and do things in my life boldly. And I will realize in the end that they are all the best for me. so I needed to let go and let God explode.

In terms of his Imaginativeness, he is the god that creates different kinds of things, and i agree with the example Pastor Dave gave, that he's created so many human, but not one of them are indentical. And he hasn't grown tired of it yet! If I were to do something repeatedly with variety, I'd be so bored, yet he does it generation after generation.

In terms of his life-lovingness, God created what's seemingly disorder orderly. What we see the stars in the sky might be completely random, but he knows the patterns. In terms of the oneness of the church, we should be like a schools of fish that swim individually but in the same direction.

In terms of his beautiful, it is complete, and satisfies the recipe. I am really inspired by his saying about the earth, that it is most beautiful to look at from the outer space. The one being that could afford to appreciate everyday is God. no one else. He created all these for him and him alone. It's all because of HIS glory and honor, it's none of our business. and we are God's housekeeper, and that's it.

I realized after the sermon that after listening to people emphasizing on how God is a personal God, I forgot that he is also the creator of the universe. He is the most vast being in the world, and I was just minimize him and his power. This sermon is such a good reminder that all these beauty and the creativity is also in us. and we are also called to create beautiful things to glorify his name!!

submission

2010-01-17T18:08:00.000-05:00

God is truly a loving and personal God. He knows what to say to me, and how to say to me to help me realize the whole in my pants. During break, I got a phone call from Andrea and when we were talking, I asked her if she was doing summer missions. I know she wanted to do it. But she needed to check with her parents. She told me after talking to her dad, she decided not to do it according to his suggestion. After the conversation and thinking about what she said i was really shocked about what she said. Not about the content, but about her attitude. I don't even remember when the last time was that I submitted to my parent's decisions. It's always :" hey mom, hey dad, I want to do this, so support me!" I was trying hard to pretend that I was all independent--coming to the US, deciding on schools and majors, pulling out my wisdom teeth.... Yet, they had to take the consequence of my decisions--huge financial burden, separation from the only child in the family....

Most of the times, to my mom, i tell her what I want to do, and I will agree to her suggestions if it goes along with my will, but if it doesn't i would fight until she says yes to my decisions, and looking back, there's no sign of submission at all. To my dad is even worse. I never told him what i was going to do. I always tell him what I did and all his can say was just "oh, okay, so how was it?" But God used that phone conversation to wake me up. He said: " stop living in the dream of you are an obedient child as all the others told you. You are not at all. Just look at what you did...." it was like cold water pouring down from my head, I was suddenly awake.

Thanks you God for showing me this, I took a first step by realizing it and facing it. Please help me with the latter steps of fighting it and perservering through it. i want to learn to submit to my worldly parents, so I could submit to you.

God's grace

2010-01-17T17:54:00.000-05:00

God is really good because he never lets me fall too far before picking me up. This was represented in both physical and spiritual sense.

Spiritually, I was growing really slowly last semester, because I was really callouse, and dry. I thought I could do things my way, i thought I grew enough, that i didn't need god to teach me lessons anymore. however, I was wrong. I was apathetic most of the times, and stopped reaching out to people. More over, I was bitter. i was bitter at the fact that I was callouse, apathetic. Even though I was not blaming God verally for such things, my actions show my dissatisfaction to my savior. However, God's love never stops. He picks me up time after time, and shows me his love everytime i am unsure of it. He restrains his wrath from this sinner who was betraying him every single day. I could not possibly do this if I were to be put in his shoes.

Another thing that I was left speechless is that during break, when we were skiing, I went through the woods, but hit a bump and fell. I didn't remeber how I fell, didn't remember the pain, and when i woke up, i was able to remember things correctly even though it did take a while for things to come back into my memory. i threw up in the ambulance, and the nurse told me that I could possibly have a head injury. However, when I went to the hospital, underwent the CAT scan, they found out that i dind't have any injury, my head was fine. Only my brain fell out of place a little-- I got a concussion. Even that, God is very greacious to me. I didn't break a bone, didn't injure any part of my body. And the fact that a lot of people die from falling when skiing, getting a concussion was not a big deal at all.

I am also really thankful for my family, for their taking care of me, and just their heart for me. i am very very touched by my aunt and uncle waking up every 3-4 hours to wake me up, according to the doctor's instruction. they just care so much for me that they didn't care i smelled bad, every time I stand up trying to do something, they always tell me to sit down or lie down to rest my head. they asked me at least once every 2-3 hours how I felt. some of these are little things, and they don't take much effort to do or say. But it's just these little things that warmed my heart. They are the gift that God's put into my life. I am very thankful of them and am very blessed by them!

God is pulling back to him, I will come back, and try my best to follow him.

eve

2009-12-31T22:43:00.000-05:00

When God brought judgement upon her, he also gave her a wonderful promise--though the human race cannot escape death, they will continue to have children generation after generation. so Jean, remember when you are under judgement, God is also bringing his promise to you!

discipline

2009-12-30T22:35:00.000-05:00

There are a lot of things in my life that I recognize as God's work, but due to my laziness and my own failure, I didn't keep a record of them. now that I think about it, I don't remember a lot of them. and the ones i remember are the ones that are written down. but God is still really good to me. He doesn't let me linger long before he shows me my shortcomings and sinfullness. he always always reminds me of his love and his watching over me. I need to put on some discipline to physically follow him, and be practical about the lessons that i learned, so that I could keep growing instead of failing all the time!

Psalm 51

2009-12-11T03:20:00.000-05:00

This is the prayer for you Jean,

Have mercy on me, O God,
according to YOUR unfailing love;
according to YOUR great compassion
blot out my transgressions.
Wash away all my iniquity
and clease me from my sin.

Jean, there is nothing about you! even God's forgiveness!

What can I do?

2009-11-30T00:26:00.000-05:00

I really want to wash all the dirt off of my body. I feel dirty, I feel undeserving, I feel like no matter how many times I clean myself, I find the next layer dirtier. I don't know what to do, I don't know where to start.
I know I cannot do it alone, but what if it's only God doing his part and I wasn't doing anything? What will happen?
Why is it that I always fail?

Sovereignty

2009-11-08T23:25:00.000-05:00

Jean, how can you forget how sovereign God is, and how deep your sins are, and how much you deserve to go to hell. How can you not feel his love. He is picking you up every moment, pouring out his love and mercy every moment to you, and how can you not appreciate? You cannot just sing thouse shongs without thinking about what the lyrics was really talking about. Think about this richness and heaviness of his love in your life!

Always blessed

2009-11-06T23:55:00.000-05:00

reviewing my past, I am always the blessed one. God sent me people, protection, guidence, promises... so many things. He always answer my prayers fast. Again, after I found out that i don't have enough knowledge about God's love (head knowledge doesn't really count) because of my insecurities, he showed me more of how much he loves me. He picks me up everytime I fail, everytime i fall, everytime I'm struck. This past week, his LOVE rebukes really got me! he didn't tell me: "Jean, can't you tell i love you? after all I've done for you how come you still don't know? you evil one!" He didn't tell me that. instead, he said: "jean, let me show more of my love to you...oh, you still don't see? let me give more... and more... and more...." so again and again, I'm drentched in his love, his downpouring love. and I'm standing there speechless, motionless, his blessings come like raining cats and dogs. Such a good feeling!!! soooo blessed! I still cannot put everything in words! I can only say, He is so good!

Amazing Grace

2009-11-04T23:24:00.000-05:00

"I know that I am a great sinner and Jesus is a great savior."

This is one of the line from the movie Amazing Grace. I just realize how great a sinner I am, and how many times Jesus still picks me up. He still uses this filthy rag to do his will. I don't know how great his love is, and I don't think I can ever find out, but what I do know is that I will be revealed of his great love for me bit by bit. His amazing grace is sufficient, so Jean, who are you to say that his love cannot cover all your sins? So Jean, be a faithful servant, and do his will!

revealed

2009-11-04T23:13:00.000-05:00

So I wasn't going psycho. I found out what my problem is. All the insecurities, sensitivities, self-righteousness, lack of trust in people all directed me into becoming a control-freak. Because of all the things I went through, I feel like I need to take control over my life so that it won't be messed up. But just look at how messed up it is still. Jean, you cannot save yourself. I KNOW that I cannot save myself, but I DIDN'T KNOW. They are all head knowledge, I never come to realization that I am messed up, and I need someone else to fix me. I don't want to find excuses for my being controlling, and my experiences cannot serve as the excuses. God gave me all those experiences so that I could depend on him, and look what I did. I, with my big head, gave myself a crown thinking that I am so important, that the world wouldn't go around without me, haha! God just revealed to me that how much of this sin is covering me. How messed up I am. This problem is literally covering my whole body that I feel like God will scrape off a whole layer of me to fix me, and it's grown out of my skin, and become part of me, so the scraping process is gonna be super painful. I don't know what kind of surgery I need to go through, but now that I know God is the one in control, I need to trust that he is gonna fix me, and turn me back into the image that he originally made me into. Right Jean?

Going Psyco!!

2009-10-26T00:24:00.000-04:00

This is a habit of mine from childhood, or I can say I am conditioned to think this way. I need a break through, or else, I will go psyco!

My insecurities are hitting me really badly, and I have realized this recently. This insecurity (from what I discovered) is a little different from what people usually feel, though in some aspects they are similar. I don't know how to descirbe it. It's like I worry too much. yeah that's it, I worry too much, way too much!

A lot of times, if I don't remember somthing, then I will assume the worst, and this has become a problem, because the things I assume are completely random, the chances of them happening is literally 1/100000.

Now that I think about it, it is due to my hyper-sensitiveness, and I was scared as a child that bad things are gonna happen around me, so I prepare for the worst, like usually a death. I have imagined so many deaths in my family, so many ways of dying! I don't even know! I just need someone to tell me that this is normal, and if this is not, tell me how to fix it!

I feel like all these year i have been refusing to receive God's peace, and it's really hard without it! I am just way tooo stubborn!

please God break me, so I can receive your peace!!

rotten life

2009-10-20T20:46:00.001-04:00

The more I look into my life, the more rotten spots I find. I now see my self as this rotten person who has green mold all over my body, and I am gross. Yet, God picks me up lovingly, knowing that I stink and am no good, he still treasures me and kisses me. I felt love from him. I know he is the only one who can love me so unconditionally. I know that deeply. I don't know what I can offer back, but I want to be renewed. As a praise addict, I expect a lot from people. I get disappointed all the time, but now I really understand that I cannot depend my life on these, and God is the only one who will not disappoint me, and I will be praised in heaven--even though I am so rotten.

The reality is that even though I am a sinner, and my sins are trying to consume me all the time, God loves and conquers.

So Jean, grab yourself, and get ready for the fight!!!

Everything

2009-10-19T00:59:00.000-04:00

This is the theme of our undergrad retreat. This is what God cares about in my life. I prayed a lot during the retreat, but afterwards, I realized I prayed too little. I realize there are soo many things in my life I didn't lift up to God. Some out of fear, some pride, and some others just purely out of ignorance. God gave me sooo many gentle rebukes, and I ignored a lot of them. He set so many examples in front of me--people, story, I was just blind and deaf. I realize I have sooo many holes in my pants, that I wasn't even aware of, and i the holes are so big that I was barely wearing anything. Yet, i thoght I was so okay. I thought i was so holy.

God really convicted my heart, and gave me a heart for his people. But first i need to arm myself, and prepare myself for the challenges. I will lift up everything and be open to everything that God puts on my plate.

The extra weight

2009-10-08T22:38:00.001-04:00

So recently I have been going down to central to study a lot. sometimes i would go directly after lifegroup. sometimes just stay on central. when I plan my day, I always take the weight of my backpack into account, I wanted to take the least trip back home, but carry the lightest weight on me possible. One thing I realize is that i would think to myself whether today has church or not, if not, I would take the bible out of my backpack. if yes, I put it in, thinking: man I am carrying some extra weight today. However, this thought is so wrong. The bible should never be the extra weight in my backpack. I sometimes find myself in need of my bible but i don't have it with me. Then I am reminded that i took it out, or I planned to not include it in my activities for the day.

This brings up a question that I ask myself: Jean, are you really putting God as your first priority? Or is he just like his words that you put it aside when you think you don't need and pick it up when you need it for some commitment like lifegroup? bringing it for church is not wrong at all. But the problem is whether I am expecting a personal growth with God. And from my actions, I am clearly not.

So Jean, organize yourself, and know where to look at, so you know which direction to go.

10.5.09 Ex24, Jn3

2009-10-05T13:23:00.000-04:00

Exodus 24:
Moses told the israelites the laws and regulations. They all said they'd obey him because they've seen God's power. and Moses made a convenant with them. God called moses and aaron along with some other elders to to foot of the mountain, and Moses and Joshua went up to the mountain top and the rest of the people waited at the foot. to the people, God's presence was like consuming fire. and Moses was in that fire for 40 days and 40 nights.

John 3:
So in this chapter, Jesus taught Nicodemus, and John the baptists testified about Jesus.
I feel like Jesus was speaking right to me when he was teaching Nicodemus. I always tell God to work, yet, I ignore the fact that I'm always ignoring or not believing that he is constantly working. I think I pray enough, but in fact, I don't lift up everything to him. only the ones I cannot handle, i lift it up, and for the ones i can handle, I tell god to get out of my plan. and when the plans don't work, I start doubting. yet, Jesus said that if you don't believe int he earthly things, how can you believe the heavenly things. being unobservant shouldn't be my excuse for not seeing God's work. It should never be. So opne your eyes, Jean, and talk to God where ever you see him
When John testified about Jesus, he said " He mus become greater, and I must become less." I need to have that mind set. instead of always putting myself as my priority, and take God's place. Just like what Jesus said about caesar's money. Give caesar what belongs to him and God what belongs to God. the praises and honor don't belong to me but I am so consumed in it. it's like kissing an award and treating it mine, when it belongs to someone else who actually deserve it.

10.4.09 Ex23 Jn 2

2009-10-04T19:41:00.000-04:00

Exodus 23:
So God here told them first not to work in the 7th year or on the 7th day, for they need to rest and give to the others. Then he went on talking about the land he was going to give to the israelites. He is going to drive out different people before the israelites because if they stay together, they could mess up the israelites. It's so good to see that God was already preparing them for the land, and he established the rules then, before they enter the promised land so that when they go in and settle down, they wouldn't have to worry about the law anymore, and they could just follow the laws and live their life. He plans the perfect plan for us, and all we need to do is obey. He planned for us it's better to work for 6 days and rest, and it's best not to conform to the other people because of satan's temptation.... He is really planning the best.

John 2:
Jesus turned water into wine was the miracle recorded in John. aside from the story, I found that interesting how Mary just told the servants to do what Jesus commands despite the fact that Juses said it was non of his business. However, Jesus still did it. It takes the servants a great deal of faith to follow what Jesus said. He was the one filling the jars with water, and he was the one Jesus told to bring that to the master, so he didn't know what was going to happen, but he still did it. I don't think I have this kind of obedience. If i don't know something for certain, i wouldn't do it. It's really scary for me to just step outside without knowing the weather. however this servant just went. Moreover, this is jesus' first signs, so there were no rumor or news about anything and he just "whoosh" brought the wine out. How much faith does he have and how little do I have!
Then Jesus went and cleared the temple. haha don't mess up with Jesus. it's God's dwelling place, and Jesus was so angry. Hwoever, there were still people asking for miracles. first of all, they weren't using the place right, so shouldn't anyone have the authority to correct them? but when Jesus came, they only questioned about who he was, instead of whether what they were doing was wrong. I am like that too a lot times. this take humility, and I clearly lack a lot of it. Jesus also prophesied about the rebuilding the temple in three days.

10.3.09 Ex22, Jn1

2009-10-03T20:09:00.000-04:00

Exodus 22:
More rules for the people. God talked about protection of property and social responsibility this time. It's interesting that stealing is the center of the property protection. However after I thought about it, Stealing really covers everything with property. The social responsibility though, God again emphasized on adultury. it cannot be stressed enough, and God just know we were gonna fall and he layed this out for use first so that we could have a reference. and the consequence is pretty severe.

John 1:
This chapter was sooooo rich! First John gets this vision about Jesus' coming and being the word. Then he wrote about this other John, who was Jesus' cousin. He was john the baptist. Pay attention to when he states John's purpose of his life--"he came only as a witness to the light" v8. This was sooo powerful, and it takes a lot of strength and faith to carry out. I really wish that's all my purpose, and i could carry it out. John also prophesied about the coming of christ. he said that there was going to be one before him and greater than him. I would not want to declare anyone to be greater than me. I always go through so many comparisons between people and myself, and try to find in what aspect I am greater than them.
When John the baptist was qustioned about his identity. He did not hesitate to tell them who he was and who he wasn't, and even that was a testimony about Jesus. God let all these happen shortly before Jesus' coming, so that John could be prepared to have Jesus come. Indeed, Jesus came to John, and even though John did not know Jesus, he still recognized him with signs sent by God. Imagine if I could do this, and Jesus came to me, and i could recognize him. How awesome would that be? Instead of sitting here and guessing who Jesus could be, I could tell right away who he is. John did this by obedience through the holy spirit, and Jesus recognized John because he is God. This is soooo good, and satisfying. It makes me want to be able to recognize him, or even just his work.

my thing

2009-10-03T18:33:00.000-04:00

I have a BIG ego! and it got me again during H-games. God is gracious that he showed me that I was wrong. This discipline was not comfortable, but i have to get through it.

So we were the game "pi in yo face" and 3 people had to go memorize digits of pie and teach it to 5 people who are learners. I was one of the 3. Because I used to memorize the 100 digits of pi, i thought i was sooo good that i was set, and if i just take another look, I could accurately teach it to the team. so the whisle blew, and we ran to the center to learn pi. all the digits looked so familiar, and i told one of the brothers that i got the next 8-10 digits. He kept asking me if i was sure and suggesting me to not do so much at a time, we could always come back. Because I was thinking at the time that this was already in my mind, and I got this. I assured him that i got all the digits. he kept asking because he was going to memorize the digits after mine. Whether his part was successful was greatly influence by mine. If i mess up, everything would be messed up, and we'd have to start over.

He was just being really careful, and in my stupid mind I was thinking: " why does he keep asking? I already said. " So I wanted to tell him that i used to memorize 100 digits. God was merciful to me. He blocked my mouth and didn't let those words come out. Becasue that would have been bad. Still that was the thought that came through my mind when he asked me--"i got this, not problem, I used to memorize the first 100 digits" except i stoped on the "I". The brother probably thought I was mad. so he didn't argue and just followed.

Guess what happened. I thought i got it all, but I blanked out on some digits, that i nad to run back and check. I was thinking to myself: why didn't i listen to him, and just do it bit by bit? This stupid proud face.

So brohter, I hope that you forgive me for my pride, and for what I've said to you. Please forgive me.

and God I am sorry.

God will make a way

2009-10-02T01:44:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I wonder why I am going through what i am going through. Today I finally see that God put things in my life so that not only can I grow closer to him, but also when it becomes a testimony, it can encourage and comfort others. He is the most efficient--always playing multiple--wammies. I just want to see more of his work, and experience more of him.

i cannot belittle my God for what he is going to do in me. I have to trust that He is going to do great things. His work will not affect me only at the moment. It will affect me in the future, too, and even affect others.

So God use me as a tool to fulfill your perfect plan! please!

Lady T

2009-10-01T21:32:00.000-04:00

There is a woman
she sits in the cab and waits in front of the libraries
she takes students to where they request
they seldomly talk to her
but when they do, she replies with a gentle voice
her name is Lady T
she doesn't have pretty hair
she doesn't have smooth skin
but she has the most beautiful heart
she is a great servant
to her students and to her family
she tells me that she is really blessed by God
this simple sentence that many people use
came out most powerfully from her mouth
God loves her so he answers her prayers
God loves me so he put her in my life

10.1.09 Ex22, Lk24

2009-10-01T21:13:00.000-04:00

Exodus 22:
The laws from God for the Jews
It first talked about maleservents and femaleservents, and then the bulls (pocessions) of people, and how they deal with it, and it was very detailed that it covers all situations (at least all i could think of). God is really precise, and he is like that in our life. He is just in every aspect of our lives. Even with the things that we think are tedious. He doesn't mind, as long as we lift the things up to him. he will take care of it.

Luke 24:
So Jesus resurrected and it was interesting how the women found out first. I guess women were made with a more compassionate heart. When they went back and told the apostles and the others, they didn't believe them except for Peter. He got up and went to the tomb. I think he learned from earlier when Jesus predicted that Peter would disown him 3 times.
I feel like most of the times i am like the two people walking on the road. Thinking about God, but when he really comes, I am so blind that I don't recognize him. When he was about to leave, I finally realize that he was there with me the whole time.
Later Jesus did appear to his disciples, the ones he would send out later, and appoint great power to. He showed them by eating the fish that he was still in human form. A lot of time, I'm like: "God, show me you are here." Because he loves me, he comes down to me and use the holy spirit to touch me. It's a great feeling when that happens, and I bet the joy that's described here that the disciples felt was beyond imagination. They saw Jesus in human for after he died!!!! That must be the happiest think in their life!!

9.22.09 Ex20, Lk23

2009-09-22T08:35:00.000-04:00

Exodus 20:
God spoke to Moses the 10 commandments.
1. no other gods
2. no idols
3. don't misuse the name of God
4. keep the sabath day holy
5. obey parents
6. don't murder
7. don't commit adultery
8. don't steal
9. don't give false testimony
10. don't covet other people's things
When the israelites saw this, they were really scared, and they feared God

Luke 23:
People took Jesus to Pilate, and he gave him over to Herod. Herod was curious, but bad, after he found that Jesus wouldn't answer his questions, he insulted him. Pilate became friends with Herod, and after Jesus came back, he wated to release him. But the people were too loud, they wanted barrabas. Pilate did as they said. Jesus was crucified...
Here we see the two criminals along side of Jesus. They were both criminals, but their attitudes are different. It's never too late to accept Christ.

9.17.09 Ex19, Lk22

2009-09-17T20:23:00.000-04:00

Exodus 19:
God showed that he was close to Moses by having the whole israel witness that Moses went to the mount Sinai, and spoke with God. all Israelites saw God's presence as fire. Before that, he had moses consecrate the people, and cleanse their body. He told the israelites that no one could go close to the mountain, or else, he would be put to death. When God came, he had Moses go up the mountain to talk to him face to face, and also told moses to bring Aaron.
Even though, we are such imperfect, God could still use us in doing his perfect will. I need to be like Moses.

Luke 22:
This is a very dense chapter. Jesus ate passover meal with his disciples and told them one of the people sitting with him would betray him. Also told the disciples to have a serving heart. then prophesied that Peter would disown Jesus for 3 times. All the prophesies became true. Jesus said that he was the son of God when the chief priests and teachers of the law asked him and judged him. That was his crime.
I am all three of them, Judas, Peter, and the chief priests, who betrayed Jesus, disowned him, and put him to death. Yet I am here writing about him. if it wasn't God's grace, i don't know where i'd be, and I don't know what kind of person I'd be. God's grace is enough!

my miraculous day!

2009-09-15T09:02:00.001-04:00

So it all happend pretty much last night, but first of all, I have to put the night before into account. So Angela called me at 11:pm telling me that she had found out who her lifegroup was. I was really excited for her, and at the same time, I was excited that i could find out soon. So all night that night, i was waiting for the phone call, and not happened. The next day--yesterday, many people texted me and told me who's lifegroup they were in, and told me about many others. I was really ready to hear mine sometime. Since I was in class for most of that day, I was getting antsy, and worried: what if they were sending me an email? I went to check my email every two hours, and of course, nothing happened. The anticipation was just built so high! I had known about so many people's lifegroup, but just not mine. as a selfcentered person, I am not finding out the one that I care about the most. haha.

But it seemed like God was teaching me pacience. and he was sooo humorous. he was probably sitting there in his throne laughing at me saying that: Jean, if you wait, I will give you the best! and voila, at the end of the day, when i fianlly walked out of the music school, I got a message from Anna, and when I called her back, she told me that i am in her lifegroup, and on top of that, she's leading with tina! TINA KIM!!!! I was soooo surprised. I made a deal with God, that i am not going to be resentful this time if I didint end up in tina's group. but God said, Jean, if you wait, you will have the best! (best for me) see, no matter how much I was to help him and hurry him up. When he says no, nothing's gonna come out. but when he permits. blessing are just like floods.

Later that night, I went to study math with Yisi, we were at momo tea. I met one of the workers there, and she's very funny. Angi is her name, and she was very cool. she came over to talk to us during her break, and talked to the person behind us. Yisi and i got stuck on a math problem. we just couldn't figure out the possibilities. at this time Angi came over and found out what we were struggling with, and told us: " you know he's a math GSI right? the guy sitting behind you guys." That was sooo amazing. we asked him the question, and he explained to us, it as like the sun has finally come out behind the clouds. we became friends. and when we were about to go home, i needed to go up north. and what's more exciting, we found out that he is my neighbor! we live in the same building! how funny is that! we went back together, and he told me a lot about math and the crazy math teachers here at michigan!

so the bottom line is that i was really blessed by all the people God had sent to me, and all the "jokes" he made with me, and the lessons he tried to teach me--lovingly!

He is soooo good!

9.15.09 Ex18, Lk21

2009-09-15T08:35:00.000-04:00

Exodus 18:
The Israelites were camped in the desert, and Moses' father-in-law came to him, and brought back his wife and two sons. He was amazed to see God's work in the Israelites, and recognized God above all gods. They ate with the elders and Aaron in the presence of God. When he saw Moses jugding all the people of their difficulties, he suggested that people could be divided into groups and have "group leaders" judge impartially. Moses took his advice and his load wasn't so heavy anymore. His father-in-law then went back to his own country.
Moses's father-in-law wasn't an Israelite, he was an ousider. However, God used him to bless Moses. This is amazing. a lot of times, I think I was all this and that as a christian, yet, I fail to recognize God's words comeing out from the "gentile's" mouth. I was too ignorant. I thougt God was only present among Christians, and I always prayed about God be with the prechristians, but never really thought about it. If the Holy Spirit was with the prechristians, then God could use them to speak to us, as well!

Luke 21:
Jesus in this chapter talked about a widow giving very little, but also the most, because all others were giving some portions out of their wealth, but the widow was giving all she's having. Sometimes, I fall into the trap of feeling obligated to give more, because it'll look good on the envelope. However, I forgot that the heart is what matters. I don't have to give much, but it has to be out of my heart.
Then he went on and talked about the sign of the end of the earth--earthquake, famine, presilence. all these are happening in the world now. Famine is always there, earthquake in China, Honduras, U.S. and other places. prestilence such as SARS, swine flu, and the very ancient ones are still going around. Jesus said that there will also be nations agaist each other--wars are everywhere. people against people--even among friends. And there are many more. The end of the earth is coming near. (I think) and I need to get ready. if I go to heaven right now, can i say that I don't have any regret? I don't think so, I'll probably say: "oh wait God, let me finish this, and let me finish that." and the most scary thing is that the end of the earth, not all my friends are sure they are going to heaven, and this is gonna be my fault. So Jean, you need you hurry up!

9.14.09 Ex17, Lk20

2009-09-14T08:05:00.000-04:00

Exodus 17:
The people are so weak! They did not trust God for what he was going to provide. instead, they were like children whining for what they wanted. The people here didn't have water, and they complain to and blame moses for bringing them out of Egypt. poor moses. Yet, god still provide. If it was me, I'd leave them alone, see without God what They could do. Whiny people. God is still a loving a caring God for them. only he has the patience.

Luke 20:
Jesus is so smart, so wise. When his authority was questioned, he asked them questions and they couldn't answer, and so he didn't answer their questions, therefore, he didn't have to lie about his authority nor tell them the truth because they would only think that he was lying and being prideful.
The parable of the Tenant was the exact parallel to what's going to happen. We are the tenant, God is the father, and Jesus the son.
Facing many challenges, Jesus has the calmness and wisdom to answer all the quetions. he has the power from God, and a close relationship with him. I want to do that too.

9.13.09 Ex16, Lk19

2009-09-13T09:54:00.000-04:00

Exodus 16:
God provided Manna and quail for the Israelites in the desert. As God commanded, each were to take what they needed for that day except for saturday, they take twice in order to prepare for sunday. However, there are so many disobedience going on in the people. They took more during regular days, but the ones they took were rotten and smelly. Even the people who God brought out with his power, the people who had seen the cloud and fire didn't trust that God would provide enough, and how little faith we have. I thought I trusted him a lot. yet, I was still holding back from him. Thinking that there are some areas of my life that God just cannot touch. that is so funny. So God help me grow in faith, and have more trust in you!

Luke 19:
Jesus went into Jericho, and there the tax collector zacchaeus came to see Jesus on the tree. Jesus stayed at his house that night. here the bible didn't say how the tax collector view Jesus. all it indicated is that he was a curious man, so as long as he wanted to know, jesus would go to him and let him know.
Jesus then told a parable of the king giving money to the servant to have them investigate, the ones who made more out of the money received more awards, and the ones who didn't was punished. Same with us, if we do more God's work, we will receive more rewares in heaven.
Jesus then went into Jerusalem. he enter from the mount of olives, and when he entered on the donkey back, everyone cheered and welcomed him. He went to teach in temples, and the Pharasees and teachers of the law and the chief priests wanted to find ways to kill him, but they couldn't. i bet Jesus knew all these, yet he was still teaching to save mroe souls, and i think he is also waiting for his persecutors to turn to him as well! However, they never did.

9.10.09 Ex15, Lk18

2009-09-10T09:05:00.000-04:00

Exodus 15:
Moses and Mariam sang songs to the Lord when they crossed the red sea and saw all the egyptians drown. They feared God but praised him. but I don't know why people are so forgetful. They just came out of a battle and the Lord had provided and protected them, they came to another town, and when they couldn't drink the water, they complain to moses, instead of asking God for it. Yet, this loving God still provided for them. He truely never fails.

Luke 18:
Jesus taught many lessons in parable--the widow who kept bothering the unjust judge, the pharase and the tax collector, rich ruler, and the children. Hwoever when he spoke in plain language, people don't understand him anymore. They didn't understand what Jesus meant by the son of man dying and raising back to life. a lot of times, i'm like that. I don't understand the most plain thing that God laid out in front of me. and I went and looked for the sophisticated answers. I needed to be more observant in looking for God's words.

9.9.09 Ex14, Lk17

2009-09-09T07:52:00.000-04:00

Exodus 14
We sometimes are like the egyptians, who pursue something that we are not supposed to pursue. It eventually lead to destruction. However, the lord is faithful, and he gave us promises and visions, and miracles. In this chapter, there is such a magnificent image where the angel goes and guard the israelites in the back, and the pillar of cloud/fire went also from the front to the back to protect the people and to separate egyptians from the israelites. He will do the same for us.

Luke 17:
Forgive people, and Jesus said even if they kept sinning against me, I should forgive, but this is soooo hard to do. He also gave us hope, because we are unworthy sevants, and we are like a samaritan, but he still heals us and loves us. We need to prepare for the kingdom of heaven, it's coming soon.

How stupid am I

2009-09-08T08:28:00.001-04:00

So I haven't been here for a while, and this summer i couldn't feel God as much as I did my freshman year. I blamed God for not showing hhimself to me, and blamed him for leaving me after giving me two lessons to learn. However I was so blind to see the changes that i had during this 4 months. I was so blind to see his works on me. eventhough i didn't readt he bible much, i didn't pray as much, i wasn't asking him for help as much. yet, he still works in me. he never gave up on me. I just fail to see that for the past 4 months.

also, i was so dependant on the worldly people instead of depend on him. I went back home to china where my parents are and there i found that since they are with me, i started depending on them. thinking that they could bring me what I need. they did materialistically, but not spiritually. God still didn't give up on me when i turned myself away from him. he still loved me as he did before, and gave me a lot of blessings. He showed me my problems and I'm sure he will help me fix them.

9.8.09 Ex13 Lk16

2009-09-08T08:06:00.000-04:00

Exodus 13:
It's so funny how the Lord took the Israelites a longer way to go out of Egypt in order to protect them from encountering war. God knew their faith wasn't strong enough to handle it. Sometimes it's the same with us. we are resentful for God taking us a long way. However, we don't know that it's his plan and it's a better one, because we don't have ehough faith to endure the challenges. Even though it might feel like a long way, but it's actually gonna be easier than the short one.

Also, when they were going out of Egypt, the pillar of cloud and the pillar of fire never left them. Now I always ask God why he is not there anymore, however, I fail to realize that he is always there it's just i have become more and more blind, so i don't see this standing-still God, and go and find some man-based object to put my faith on. Sammy was right, God is always the last one we turn to and the first one we blame.

Luke 16:
another chapter with a lot parables. One thing I didn't understand is that why when the manager of the rich man spent his master's money to please people, and to secure his way when he loses his job, the master still commended him? I understand (I think) Jesus' talking about the not worshiping money but God part. But why in this example?

People's vision are short, and my heart is broken for the ones who haven't met God yet. I hope that they will come to him eventually, and be like Lazarus instead of the rich man who lived luxuriously on earth but whose final desination is hell. Those confused people need Jesus.

don't understand

2009-07-12T18:55:00.000-04:00

God I know that everything happens for a reason, but how come she had to go through all these suffering? she is the one who held the whole family together, and what are they going to do without her. God, you took her away because her mission is done on earth, but why leaving such a chaos? why leaving people in such grief? I know you have your good will in these, and I believe it. But why her, and why so hard, so sudden? Yaoyao always fought with her, and now Yaoyao didn't even get a chance to say sorry to her mom? Don't leave her in regret, please! You took her life away because of the wicked deeds of men. You are the unchanging God. Is this a reminder that you are the God who hates sin, who hates disobedience, who hates wickedness? God, please answer all the prayers, and help the family to stand up again. Let them depend on you! Please!

7.10.09 Gn44, Mk 15

2009-07-10T13:12:00.000-04:00

Genesis 44:
After the banquet, Joseph told his steward to fill the bags of his brothers, but put back the money they used to pay, and put Joseph's cup into Benjamin's sack. When the brothers took off. Joseph had his steward chase them back accusing them of stealing his cup. The brothers denied it, and said if the cup was found in anyone's sack, then they would all become slaves to Joseph. They found the cup in Benjamin's sack. They then went back to Joseph. Joseph asked the brothers to leave for Canaan while Bejamin stayed there with him. Judah told Joseph that they could not go back, because if Bejamin, the only son left from Rebekah, didn't go back with them, Jacob would die fro grief. He asked to replace Bejamin with himself.

Mark 15:
The chief priests and teachers of the law handed Jesus over to Pilate, Pilate asked Jesus if he was the king of the jews, and Jesus answered yes. Pilate asked Jesus some other questions conscerning the "crime", Jesus didn't say a word. It was that time of the year when Pilate release a prisoner to the people. Being stirred by thte teachers of the law, the people all wanted Barabbas and wanted Jesus to be crucified. Pilate asked what crime had he committed that deserved to be crucified, but they only shouted louder.
The soldiers took Jesus away, and they mocked him. They put on a purple robe on him, and twisted together thorns as his crown. They spat on him. After they were done, they put his own cloths back on and took him out.
A man was travelling on the way, and the troop forced him to carry the cross for Jesus, They took him to the skull place. They crucified Jesus in the afternoon at 3. On the board that announced the charge said King of the Jews. People mocked him saying that though he saved a lot of people, he couldn't save himself.
At 6, darkness came till the ninth hour, and Jesus cried out:" my God my God, why have your forsaken me?" Then he died. The centurion saw this and said that he was really the son of God. There were women watching from a distance. On saturday, Joseph, a man who was waiting and seeking for God, asked Pilate if he could have the body of Christ, and after checking that Jesus was really dead, Pilate agreed.
Joseph then took Jesus' body, wrapped it and put him in a cave. The women saw where he was laid.

7.9.09 Gn43, Mk14

2009-07-09T13:32:00.000-04:00

Genesis 43:
Jacob's family finished what they took back and the famine was still going on, so Jacob finally conformed to the olders ones taking Benjamin to Egypt. They arrived there safely, and Joseph had his servents take them to his house and pepare food for them to eat for lunch. The brothers went to the house and were scared because of the money in their sack. They explained to the steward, he said that they had received the money, and it's alright. Joseph came home and asked about their father and Benjamin. When he saw Benjamin, he went to his inner room to weep because hs missed him dearly. When he came back out, he told them that they should eat. He treated the brothers, and the Egyptians, but Benjamin's food was 5 times as much as everyone else's.

Mark 14:
Jesus and the twleve went to Simon, the Leper's house to eat, and a woman came with an alabaster jar of perfume, and broke the jar and poured the perfume on to Jesus. The disciples started accusing her saying that the perfume could be sold and money given to the poor. Jesus told them to leave her alone, because he said there would always be the poor, but he would not be withe them for long.
Then Jesus told two of his disciples to prepare the passover dinner. He told them to go to a certain person's house and prepare the dinner in the upper room. They did it, and there were no objections from the household. When they were together eating, Jesus predicted that there among the twelve would be one who would betray him. They all went one by one asking: "certainly not I."
Jesns then said that when he was arrested all the people would fled. However peter said to thim that he wouldn't betray Jesus no matter what. Jesus then told him that to night before the rooster crowed two times, Peter would betray him 3 times. Jesus then took Peter, James and John to the moutains to pray. Jesus went a distance from them, but when he came back, the three had fallen asleep. Jesus woke them up and told them to watch out. However they fell asleep a second time. Jesus didn't wake them up, and the third time. Jesus came back from praying and woke them up and told them that the time had come.
When they were going down the mountain, Judas came with a troop of people. He kissed Jesus as a sign of telling the troop who Jesus was, and then they arrested him. One of the disciples cut off the ear of a soldier, but Jesus told them not to rebel.
Jesus then was taken to court, where people were accusing him of different things, but since all the testimonies didn't match up, Jesus wasn't found guilty. However, they accused him of blesphamy, because he put equality between him and God. Peter were among the people in the courtyard. a girl recognized him by the fire. She called him out, saying that he was with Jesus. Peter denied it, then he went out by the gate and the servent girl came and told people again, he denied, then at the gate some soldiers recognized him and he denied. The rooster then crowed a second time. Peter remembered Jesus' words and went out and wept.

7.8.09 Gn42, Mk13

2009-07-08T13:28:00.000-04:00

Genesis 42:
Jacob asked his 10 sons to go down to Egypt to buy food. He kept the youngest Benjamin with him because he was afraid that something might happened to him. Joseph at this time was already in charge of the the selling of the food. His brothers went to him and bowed to him. He recognized thim but they didn't recognize Joseph. When Joseph was reminded with his dreams he accused them as spies, and ordered them to prove their innocence by taking the youngest son to him. when he learned that Reuben missed him, he wept but turned back and spoke harshly to them. He threw Simon in Jail and had the others take food back and bring Benjamin. He also put back the money they used to buy food. When the brothers found out, they were scared. They went to their father and told him everything. Jacob was really angry and sad because he didn't want Benjamin to leave him. He was afraid something might happened on the way that he might never see Benjamin anymore. Reuben offered his two sons saying that if Benjamin dies, Jacob could take the lives of his two son.

Mark 13:
Jesus was leaving the temple, and his disciples came and pointed out all the great buildings to him. He then started predicting that no one of these stones will be lifted up. Some disciples asked him secrety that when would things happened. Jesus told them to be careful with the false prophet and the false-christs. There would be betrayals among families. flee when persecution comes. Everything would change, but God would not change. Whoever stand firm to the end would be saved. the Christ will come like the master of the house, but the servents don't know when he will come back so they should be always on duty to prepare for the regturn of the master.

7.7.09 Gn41, Mk12

2009-07-07T13:30:00.000-04:00

Genesis 41:
Pharoah had dreams this time. He dreamed about 7 fat cows coming out of the Nile river, However, they were eaten by the 7 lean cows coming up after the fat. He also dreamed about 7 healthy grain heads, but they were also eaten by the 7 weak grain heads. He was troubled, but no one in Egypt could explain to him what the meaning of the dreams was. Pharoah's cupbearer now remebered Joseph, and recommended Pharoah seeing Joseph. When pharoah asked Joseph if he could interpret dreams for people, Joseph said that he could not, but God could. After hearing Pharoah's dreams, Joseph told him that the 7 fat cows and healthy grain head represent 7 good years, and the 7 lean cows and 7 weak grain heads represent 7 years famine. He suggested have someone take charge of the food, and store them up. Pharoah couldn't find anyone better Joseph, so he appointed Joseph to take care of the who Egypt for him. Joseph used many methosed to store up food. The first 7 years are good, and the famine came afterwards just as Joseph had prophesized. All land ran out of food except Egypt, and every country come to Egypt to buy food.

Mark 12:
Jesus is still in Jerusalem, and he started telling people the parable about the tenats: a vineyard owner rented out his field to some people, and when harvest time came, he sent his servents to get what he desired. However, the tenants wounded the first one, and kill the second. The owner ten sent some more servants, they were all either beat up, or killed. At last, he sent his son, thinking that they would respect him, however, the tenants think that if the son is killed then, they could have the land forever. After the son waskilled, the vineyard owner was angry that he took back all his rent out and gave it to someone else.
People then challeged him saying whether it's okay to pay tax, and Jesus examined a piece of coin and told people give back what is Caeasar's.
The next challenge is this: people asked Jesus what if a widow married all the brothers is the family, and yet didn't have children for any of them, and to whom would she be called wife of? Jesus told them that in heaven there would be no marriage.
People asked about the greatest command, Jesus said that Love God, and Love neighbors as the first two command.
Jesus then asked who's son Christ was and why did he come from David yet David still calls him Lord.
Jesus value most no with how much one gives, but what proportion of 0ne's life is dedicated to serve him.

7.6.09 Gn40, Mk11

2009-07-06T13:24:00.000-04:00

Genesis 40:
During the time when Joseph was in jail, two of the king's sevant got thrown into the same place as Joseph. One is the king's cupbearer, the other the baker. One night they both had a dream but Joseph found out they were both sad, because no one was able to interpret the dream for them. Joseph had them tell him their dreams, and he interpreted them. The cupbearer dreamed about three branches and he was squeezing the grape juice into King Pharoah's cup. Joseph told him that three days later he would be back to his position. Joseph told the cupbearer to remember him when he got his job back. The baker also told him the dream: he had 3 laoves of bread on top of his head and the birds were eathing them. Joseph told him that in three days, he would be hanged and the birds will eat his flesh. In three days, on Pharoah's birthday, things happened exactly as Joseph predicted. the cupbearer lived and the baker died. However, the cupbearer forgot Joseph.

Mark 11:
Jesus and his disciples approached Jarusalem and out side of the city, Jesus told his disciples to get him a donkey and if anyone asked just tell them the master needed it. The disciples did so, and the owner of the donkey didn't stop the disciples after learning that Jesus needed it. After people put cloak on the donkey, he rode it and went into the city. More people gathered, and they put their cloaks on the ground and some put cut-off branches and Jesus entered stepping on them, with people cheering "Hosanna." Jesus then went to Bethany.
The next day at Bethany, Jesus was hungry, and he saw a fig tree and went to find out what he could get from the tree. However, the tree wasn't bearing any fruit, so Jesus cursed it to not bear anyfruit. He then went into the temple, and saw peole doing business in the temple, and he was angry, and chased out the peole and over turned the tables. Because he was remembering what God said that the temple was the house of prayer for all nations. Everyone who were there were all amazed. Then went out of the city again.
When Jesus and his disciples passed the fig tree again, the leaves were withered. Peter told Jesus to look at the scene. Jesus said to the disciples that if they have faith in God, then they could easilty throw mountains into seas. Therefore, he told them to have faith, and to blieve.
When they went back to Jerusalem again, Jesus was int eh temple courts, and the chief priests and the elders and the teachers of the laws questioned him where he got the authority to do things. He then asked back a question: was John's baptism from heaven of earth? The hypocrits couldn't answer, so Jesus didn't answer their questions either.

7.1.09 Gn39, Mk10

2009-07-01T13:03:00.000-04:00

Genesis 39:
When Potiphar bought Joseph, the Lord was with him and Potiphar saw this and trusted Joseph with everything. In turn, the Lord blessed Portiphar's household. Portiphar left for a while and had Joseph take charge of everything. However, Potiphar's wife wanted to bed with Joseph. Joseph resisted every single time she asked, saying that he cannot betray his master and cannot sin against God. One day, she caught Joseph's cloack and Joseph ran away. However, she started telling everyone that Joseph tried to take advantage of her. Shen also told Portiphar when he came back. Portiphar was so angry that he threw Joseph into the jail. However, the Lord was still with Joseph, and was pleased with what he did, and blessed him. The Warden paid no attention to Joseph and even had him take charge of all te prisoners in the jail.

Mark 10
The Pharasees again tested Jesus asking if a man should divorce. Jesus said that in the law Moses gave, a man could divorce, but that's just because people's hearts were hard. He said that in God's commandment, men and women should leave their mothers and fathers and marry each other and become one flesh. Therefore, what was made one by God should not be separated by men.
Some people brought little children to Jesus to have him bless them. The disciples rebuked them. Seeing this, Jesus was angry and he rebuked his disciples, saying that whoever didn't receive the kindom of God like a child could never enter it.
There was a rich young man who came to Jesus and asked about how he could recive eternal life. Jesus told him about the commandments and he said he obeyed all of them. Then Jesus told him to sell everything he had and give to the poor and follow him. This he faild to do. Jesus sighed and told his disciples how hard it was for a rich man to inherit the treseare in heaven. It is harder than to have a camel go through the eye of a needle.The disciples then told Jesus that they follow Jesus alone. Jesus told them that they needed to leave their relatives as well for they would gain more, and along the way, they would receive persecution. However the eternal life would be ready for them in heaven.
Jesus again predicted his death and how people were going to treat him before his death. He also predicted that he was going to rise after three days.
James and John went to Jesus and asked if he could put one of them on his right and the other on on his left. Jesus said that he couldn't judge. And the positions were for the ones who were ready for the position. When the ten other disciples heard this, they were angry. Jesus told them that whoever wanted to come first much come last, and vice versa.
When they were in Jericho, a large crowd were with Jesus, and a blind man shouted to Jesus wanting the son of David. When people told him to stop, he shouted even louder. Jesus called to him and asked what he wanted. The man wanted to see, so Jesus told him that he faith had healed him and gave him vision.

Dang!!!

2009-06-30T00:17:00.000-04:00

God is really really really good to me!!!

His blessings are just all over the place. I come into the festival all excited and expecting a lot. However, there were just my expectations, I was telling God: "so here is what I planed to do, and you can try to squeeze yourself into it, and try to do it. " I layed by agenda in front of God and gave him a task to do, pretending I was doing all these for him. However I was just doing those to get the "feeling" of God. I wanted him to surrender himself to carry out my plans instead of me surrenderring myself for his plans. It was a pretty big slap that God gave me that helped me realized what I was thinking and expecting.

I come here "prepared", but nothing was as good as I expected: didn't have a good attitude on the bible study, flobbed my performance, morning prayer is aweful.... I was completely sucked into my bitterness and dwelling in it. I was complaining to everyone I could possibly complain to. On the surface, I was seeking God, but really, I was seeking to fulfill my own satisfaction. When I realized that I was bitter, I got more bitter, because I could not do anything about my bitterness. However, his promise is as living as it was thousands of years ago. And he revealed it through music.

I was in a concert where the first chair violinist from the New York Philharmonic orchestra was performing a concerto. As I was listening, a lot of the promises just came to me. Especially the ones from Exodus, where God is the cloud guiding the Jews out of Egypt. I felt like He was the guide leading me out of the bitterness that Satan wanted me to dwell in. I was slapped in the face because I just altered God's status with mine thinking that I was all righteous. Hwoever, God said that: "who do you think you are to order me to do things? Who do you think you are to go into something completely without asking me and without my presence? " I was just so awakened by the piece, and the message God sent me through it. I am a hypocrit. I don't deserve his blessings, yet, right after I realized these, his blessing started coming out at me. The are like snowballs that came and hit right on my face. I was invited to a student-led prayer gathering, and it's just us, some musicians sitting with each other and sharing. I was able to share what I gone through and encourage others, and was able to share it during bible study, with my roommates.

I was even blessed by the fact that God thinks I am ready for new trials. When me and my roommate Lara hung out with her friend, we found out that her friend didn't really believe in marriage, and thought it was okay to just live with someone. However, when Lara confronted her saying that the bible says the style was wrong, she wanted us to pull up a bible verse. Neither of us could think of a verse right on top of our heads. So we came back and searched for it, and asked people. God sent us Eric that he was able to quote the bible and tell us the passages. God also showed me how much I needed to crave for his words, and how deep I need to carve them in my heart.

so the verses are:
Ephesians 5:3
Genesis 2:24
1 Corinthians 6:9 12-20
(in context)

Praise the Lord!! He is sooooooo good!!!

6.29.09 Gn38, Mk9

2009-06-30T00:15:00.000-04:00

Genesis 38:
Judah, Jacob’s son left his brothers and stayed with his friend Hirah, a Canaanite. He married a girl named Shua, and he had three sons from her: Er, Onan, and Shelah. Er had a wife named Tamar. God put Er to death and Judah gave Tamar to Onan so that Er could have children through Onan. However Onan didn’t want to have children in his brother’s name. God then put Onan to death. Judah sent Tamar home to live with her father and promised her when Shelah grows older he would continue the duty. Judah’s wife died in the middle. However, Judah didn’t fulfill his promise. One day, when he and his friend were going to shear their sheep, Tamar heard it and went to them with her face covered so that Judah thought she was a prostitute, and slept with her. She asked for his seal and its cord as well as the staff in Judah’s hand, until Judah has sent the goat that he promised him. However, she left, so Judah couldn’t find her to give her the goat. Months later, Judah received notice that Tamar became pregnant and he was furious, and wanted to burn her to death, however after he found out that he was the father, he repented for not giving Shelah after he grew up. Tamar gave birth to twin brothers and one’s had came out first but the other’s body came out first.

Mark 9:
Continue with Chapter 8, Jesus said that he would die before some of the disciples. After 6 days, Jesus took Peter, James and John to the mountain and they saw Moses and Elijah talking to Jesus. Peter asked Jesus if they should put up shelters for Moses and Elijah. He didn’t know what he was talking about. Jesus’ cloths became the purest form of white. A cloud came and enveloped them and told the disciples that Jesus is God’s son. When they asked Jesus why the teachers of the law said Elijah comes first, he said that it’s because Elijah did come first and all they wished to do to him was already done.
Jesus also saved a boy from an evil spirit, and when the disciples asked him why they couldn’t do it, he told them that this evil one needed to be driven out by prayer. Jesus then took his disciples away and taught them from everyone else. He predicted that one of the people would betray him.
When they went to Capernaum, Jesus asked them what they were arguing about on the boat. They were ashamed to tell Jesus. Knowing what they were talking about, Jesus told them whoever wanted to be first must be last and a servant. He then took a child and said that whoever welcomed the children welcomed him and in turn, welcomed the one who sent him. He also told the disciples not to stop anyone who were casting out demons in his name because he wasn’t an enemy, but considered one of them.
Then he said that whoever causes the children to sin deserves hell. If anyone’s any body parts were sinning one should amputate it before going to heaven because that is better than going to hell. And the salt will be thrown away if it lost it’s saltiness, but have piece in the Lord, and have peace in his name.

God is definately soooooo good

2009-06-27T00:04:00.000-04:00

He is soooooo good.

So in the music field, I always feel that everyone else is better than I am. However, God just told me during the orchestra concert that all that doesn't matter. He just rebuked Satan for me during the concert. I felt so light-hearted during the concert and it felt really good. A lot of the images from the bible just one by one popped in my head: Exodus, Acts, Matthew.... He didn't show me how good I have become, cuz I'm not all that good, but He really showed me how much he was pleased by me and how little my playing mattered. What mattered was my attitude. During the concert, I felt like he was just taken all my burdens away, and I felt sooooooo joyful and energetic afterwards. I just understand more why he put me into this field when it's so competitive, and when I didn't play for 3 crucial years. He must have some purpose for me to fulfill, I don't know what it is yet, but I am willing to sacrifice what I was holding onto for His glory. When I saw that vision during the concert, it felt great. It's like He had revealed himself to me. I felt like all my burdens are taken away. Maybe he wanted me to go into music just because I could see Him through it, or I could really learn to see Him through it. I have seen him in music a lot, and He is making me see more i believe. God is really good to me. It seems like all my distress didn't last that long, and He didn't want me to suffer that much and He is such a good teacher, teaching me all these lessons. I want give more of myself to get to know him more. I want to become like a bathtub, instead of a tea cup to hold his ocean-full of blessings and love. Eventually, I want to become the ocean.

God you are so good.

6.26.07 Gn37, Mk8

2009-06-26T15:38:00.000-04:00

Genesis 37:
Joseph was loved most by Israel, and all the brothers were jealous of him. He also kept getting these dreams symbolizing how his brothers even his parents would bow down to him. When he told his brothers, they were all angry with him. But when Israel knew, he rebuked Joseph, but kept the matter in mind. One day, the 11 brothers were herding sheep, and Jacob called Joseph to check them. When Joseph caught to his brothers, they already planned a plot to kill him. However Reuben didn't like the plan, so they tore his ornamented cloths and threw him in to a dried cistern and kept him there.When the Ishmaelites came, the brothers sold him to them and they took Joseph to Egypt and sold him to potiphar, One of Pharaoh's officials.
When the Ishmaelites left, the brothers killed a sheep and dipped the torn cloths in the blood and brought it back to Jacob. Jacob saw that his favorite son was gone, he was very sad and mourned for him for many days, and no one could comfort him. he even wanted to go and meet Joseph.

Mark 8:
There was another large gathering, and the people were with Jesus for 3 days and they didn't have anything to eat. Jesus had great compassion for them, and prayed over 7 bascket of bread and some fish and fed the 4000. afterwards, the disciples still gathered 7 bascketfull of left overs. The Pharasees then asked Jesus to give them a meraculous sign, and Jesus refused and left.
When they crossed to the other side of the boat, the disciples told Jesus they only had one bag of flour. Jesus warned them of the yeast of the Pharasees and the Herod, but they didn't understand so jesus rebuked them and asked them how many basckets of leftovers did they gather after the two large feedings. Jesus left the question open for them to think.
There was a man blind taken from people in the town to Jesus. Jesus took him outside of the town and spat on him, and asked him if he could see, when he opened his eyes, the man said that the people looked like trees walking. Jesus spat on him again, and the person's eyes were clear. Jesus told him not to go into the town again.
Jesus asked his disciples who he was. Some quoted others saying a prophet, a teacher, etc. When Jesus asked what they thought, Peter said that Jesus was the Christ.
Then Jesus predicted about his death, and Peter took Jesus aside and rebuked him, however, Jesus took Peter inside and rebuked Satan, saying that he did not know God's plan. Jesus then called the crowd and said if anyone would follow him, they must deny themselves and take up the cross. He asked the crowed what good would it do if one gains the whole world but forfeits his soul. If one was ashamed of Jesus, then Jesus would also be ashamed of him in front of the holy angels.

6.24.09 Gn26, Mk7

2009-06-24T15:06:00.000-04:00

Genesis 26:
This chapeter talked about Esau's descedants.
Because, both Esau and Jacob's houeshold were to big, they couldnt' live together, for there wasn't enough resource for both of them. Esau then moved to the hill country of Seir. his people were Edomites. His four wives gave him sons. In his descendants there were chiefs. His Rulers were changing and they all succeded against each other.

Mark 7:
The Pharasees accused Jesus of letting his disciples eat without washing. Jesus told them that it was not unclean when they eat without washing, it was only unclean when evil things come out of their mouth. Because that was where the heart desire was. He als accused the pharasees of keeping men's tradition and forgetting God's command. When his disciples asked him, he explained again.
Jesus entered a house without annoucing himself. However, people still recognized him when they saw him. A women whose daughter was greatly possessed by demon came to him and begged him to heal her daughter. Since she was Greek, Jesus said that let God's children get the blessings, and the woman answered even the "dogs" get the "crumbs" of the blessings, and her great faith saved her and her daughter was free from the demon. They left Tyre where the woman was and went into Decapolis. Poeple brought him a man who was mute and deaf. Jesus took him aside and put his fingers in his ears, and spat and put his fingers into his mouth. Then the man was healed. Jesus told thim not to tell anyone, but they told more. People were really amazed, said that he had done everything well.

6.23.09 Gn35, Mk6

2009-06-23T23:44:00.000-04:00

Genesis 35:
Because of what Simeon and Levi did, God told Jacob to return to bethel. Jacob purified his family and his belongs, that is, no other gods. When they took off. God let great fear came upon the towns so no one dared pursue them. Jacob built an altar at Luz in Canaan. Later, Deborah, Rebekah’s nurse died, and they buried her under the oak, and called that place Allon Bacuth. After Jacob returned from Padan Aram, God came to him and blessed him. God changed the name of Jacob to Israel. God told him that kings would come from him. Afterwards, Jacob made a pillar and called the place Bethel.
The group moved from Bethel, and Rachael started giving birth. She had a hard time and died right after she bore her second son. She named him Ben-Oni, but Jacob named him Benjamin. She was buried there, and her tomb was marked. Jacob first born son slept with Bilhah, and Jacob heard of it.
Jacob had 12 sons:
Leah: Rueben, Sineon, Levi, Judah, Issachar, and Zebulun
Rachel: Joseph and Benjamin
Rachel’s maidservant Bilhah: Dan and Naphtali.
Leah’s maidservant Zilpah: Gad and Asher
Jacob went to his father Issac, and soon after, he died. Esau and Jacob buried him.

Mark 6
Jesus went to his hometown, and started teaching in a synagogue. When people heard him, they were amazed at his wisdom. However, they recognized Jesus and belittled him. Jesus said that a prophet wouldn’t receive honor only in his hometown. He could do a lot of miracles because people lacked faith. Jesus then sent out the 12 apostles and told them to go out and spread the gospel, and not to bring access things for all will be provided.
King Herod heard about Jesus, and some told him that John the Baptist has been raised from the dead. Herod was the king who beheaded John. Herod liked John, but his brother’s wife to whom Herod had married didn’t like him because John kept telling Herod it’s not right to marry Herodias. One day, on a banquet, Herodias’ daughter pleased Herod. He promised to do one thing for her, and her mom suggested John’s head. Therefore, Herod beheaded John. When Jesus heard this, he was really sad.
However, so many people were gathered around Jesus, that they couldn’t even eat. Jesus asked them to go to a quiet place so they could eat and rest. When people found out where they were, they went ahead and waited for Jesus there. When Jesus saw them, he had great compassions for them, and started teaching. By evening there were a lot of people, but when the disciples checked, they only had 5 loaves of bread and two fish. That was not enough to feed the 5000 people there. However, Jesus prayed over the food, and fed all the 5000 people and even had more food left. People were amazed.
Jesus dismissed the people while the others went ahead of him over to the other side of the sea. When Jesus finished his work, he walked on water and went to the boat. People thought that he was a ghost. But Jesus showed them that it was he by talking to them and then climbed into the boat. When they had landed, they went on to preach, and wherever he went, large crowed of people always followed him.

6.22.09 Gn34, Mk5

2009-06-22T10:45:00.000-04:00

Genesis 34:
One of the Canaanites, Shemchem violated Jacob's daughter Dinah, However, he loved Dinah and wanted to marry her. Hamor, Shechem's father negotiated with Jacob. Jacob's sons, Dinah's brothers told them to circomcise their people. However, After they were circomecised, the brothers Sameon and Levi went and killed Hamor's people, and took their wealth and women and children.
Jacob was scared, but his sons were angry.

Mark 5:
Jesus and his disciples went across the water to another town. There they found a man demon possessed. The demons came to Jesus and told him not to drive him out to the sea, and begged him to allow the to go to the herd of pigs. They went and the pig herd went to the sea and drowned. The people there saw this and went back to their village and told everyone. People came to Jesus and asked him to leave. The demon possessed man wanted to go with Jesus, but Jesus told him to stay and spread to people how good the Lord had been to him.
Then Jesus came cross the sea again. And there was a large crowd of people. The synagogue ruler Jairus came to his knees begging Jesus to save his dying daughter. At this time, came a woman who had suffered from bleeding. She could ask Jesus because there were too many people. She had faith and went to touch Jesus, and Jesus felt power transfering out of him. He found out it was that woman and told her to go with faith. Then some one came and told Jairus that his daughter had died. Jesus assured Jairus of his faith, and went to his house to take a look. When Jesus told the people the daughter was just asleep, they laughed at them. Jesus went into the room with Peter, James and John, and the parents of the little girl. He raised the girl and she got up. People were amazed, and Jesus just told the people to give the girl something to eat.

6.20.09 Gn33, Mk4

2009-06-21T00:13:00.002-04:00

Genesis 33:
Jacob saw Esau and his 400 men. he put his maidservants' and their sons in the front, Leah and her sons next, and Rachel and Joseph last. Then he went in front of all them and met Esau. Instead of attacking him, Esau kissed Jacob, and the two men wept. Esau took Jacob's gift on Jacob's insist. When Esau asked Jacob to go over to Esau, Jacob refused, and instead, he went to Canaan and built an altar for God that means the mighty God of Israel.

Mark 4:
Jesus got on a boat, and said the parable about the farmer who sowed.
Farmer=God
Seed=his words
path=people who didn't believe when they heard the words
rocky places=people who receive but had no root
thorn places=people who receive and grow but were holding on too tight about the worldly things
good soil=people who hear, and receive and grow according to the word.
He then said to his disciples that a lamp is not light so that it could be covered, instead, it needed to be put on its stand
a man spread seeds around, and the seeds grow by themselves, and he saw the seeds grow and later gave harvest.
People need to have faith, and even it's like the mustard seed, and when it grows, the tree will become big that birds set their nests on.
After Jesus said all these, they got onto the boat. and there was a big storm. Jesus was awakened by his disciples, and they were scared. However, Jesus went and clamed the wind. Jesus told them that they did not have enough faith. They were amazed at this man to whom the wind listened to.

6.18.09 Gn32, Mk3

2009-06-18T23:46:00.000-04:00

Genesis 32:
Jacob took all his belongings and went back to the land where Esau was. He was afraid Esau still holds grudges against him, so he sent out messengers to let Esau know that his sevant Jacob was coming. Esau then brought 400 people with him coming towards Jacob. Jacob heard this and was afraid, so he diveded his livestocks into two groups. He then prepared a lot of gifts to Esau, sending them before him, and told all the servants to say that all were gifts to Esau, and tell Esau that Jacob was coming after. The gifts crossed the river, and Jacob had camped by the shore. At night, there was a man and Jacob wrestled with him, and the man couldn't overcome Jacob, so he took the tendon from the socket of Jacob's hip. The man asked Jacob to let him go, and Jacob wouldn't unless the man blessed him, so the man changed Jacob's name into Israel, and he blessed him further. Later on Jacob said that he had come face to face with God, and had his life spared.

Mark 3:
There was a man with his hands shriveled. The Pharasees came closely to watch Jesus to see if he is going to heal during sabbath. Jesus asked whether they kill or save on Sabbath. However, no one answered. With anger, Jesus saw their stubborness. He healed the man and the Pharasees started planting to kill him.
Jesus withdrew from them but so many people followed him, when he came to the sea of Galilee, he could preach because the crowd got so big. Jesus then got on a boat so that he could avoid the crowd and preach at the same time. Hearing what he had done, a lot of people brought the sick. Jesus healed them, however, he told the demons not to tell who he was. Then Jesus came to the mountainside, and appointed his 12 apostles--Simon Peter, James and John, Andrew, Philip, Bartholomew, Matthew, Thomas, James, Thaddaeus, Simon and Judas Iscariot, who was going to betray him.
Then the Pharasees accused him of using demons to drive out demons. However Jesus said to them that only a robber cannot rob himself, and he had to tie up the master of the house and start robbing. Blasphemie against the holy spirit could not be forgiven.
Jesus mother and brothers came and visited, when they were outside, people notified Jesus. However, he said that the people who were sitting with him were his brothers and sisters and mothers.

6.17.09 Gn31, Mk2

2009-06-17T10:34:00.000-04:00

Genesis 31:
Laban's attitude started changing toward Jacod, so Jacob fled from him. He took the speckled and spotted flocks with him, and sent his wives and children ahead of him. Rachel took Laban's household Gods. Three days later, when Laban heard that Jacob had fled, he went to find him. after seven days, Laban caught up to Jacob. There God told Laban not to say anything bad or good to Jacob. then, Laban asked Jacob why he deceived him. Jacob told him that he had been with Laban for 20 years but he changed Jacob's wages 10 times. Laban said he could have sent Jacob away with Joy, and kiss his children and daughters. He asked Jacob why he took away his household gods. Jacob told him to search if anyone took anything, that person should not live. Laban searched everywhere, and couldn't find it. When he went to Rachel, Rachel told Laban that she was having her period, so she couldn't stand up from the camel. But the real reason is because that she was hiding the gods in the saddles of her camel. Laban then made a pillar and a heap with Jacob. They swore to each other, and Jacob could not go beyond the heap and the pillar to harm Laban, and vise versa. Then Laban left.

Mark 2:
When Jesus went back to Capernaum, people followed him. He was preaching in a house, but it was too crowed that there wasn't even room outside. A paralytic man was brought by some men and because they couldn't go through the people, they dug a whole in the roof and lowered the sick man. Jesus saw their faith, and told the man his sins were forgiven and he got up. The teachers of the law was thinking to themselves that this was blaspheming, for only God could save sins. However Jesus heard them and said to them that it's the same to tell the man to get up and go home, so he told the man to get up and go home. People bowed down and praised the lord, for they have never seen things like this.
Jesus went to the lake again, there, he saw Levi the tax collector. He told Levi to follow him, and he did and they went to Levi's house and ate with him. Among the people at the dinner, there are many tax collectors. the pharasees saw this, and asked the disciples why. Jesus heard this and said that it was not the healthy who needed a doctor, but the sick. When other people were fasting, Jesus's disciples weren't and he was questioned by the pharasees. Jesus said that when the bridegroom was with them, they didn't have to fast. However when the bridegroom left. On that day, they will fast. He said in parables that the new wine could not be put into the old wineskins.
Jesus and his disciples were going through a grainfield. the disciples started picking the plant. The pharaseees accused Jesus of breaking the Sabbath. However, Jesus used David's example--he ate what was only for priests when he was hugry and in need--to tell people that sabbath is made for men, not men for sabbath.

6.15.09 Gn30, Mk1

2009-06-15T14:35:00.000-04:00

Genesis 30:
The two wives of Jacob were competing against each other, Rachel did have any children, so she gave her maidservant to Jacob, and had sons through her. However Leah did the same thing and had more sons. Leah was pregnant again, and had a son. God had mercy on Rachel, and she conceived and had a son. She named him Joseph. Jocob told Laban that he wanted to leave for his own homeland. Laban didn't want him to go, but upon insist, he let Jacob leave. Jacob told Laban that he wanted all the spotted goats and dark colored sheeps to be his possession. Laban Agreed. Jacob used his knowledge to make spotted animals. By the time he was done, he had a lot of possessions already.

Mark 1:
This is the beginning of the gospel. Before Jesus, there was John the Baptist. he was in the desert area baptising people with water. He said that the one that was to come was greater than him that he didn't deserve to tie the thongs on his sandals. The one baptize people in spirit. Jesus came to Galilee, and was baptized by John, and Heaven opened for him. Jesus was sent out into the desert for 40 days, and he conquored many temptations there. When John was put in prison. He went and preached the gosple, immediately, Simon and his brother Andrew cam and followed him. then he called James and John, Zebedee's sons, they also followed him. When they went to Capernaum, Jesus came across a demon possessed man. He called out the demon, and people were amazed at what had happened.
When Jesus left the synagogue, Jesus went to Simn and Andrew's house, Simon's mother-in-law was in bad with a fever. Jesus soon healed her. He also healed a lot of demon possessed men there. But he forbiddened the evil to talk about who he was.
Early in the morning, Jesus left somewhere to pray, his disciples came and found him. He then led them to another place. On the way, they met a man with leprosy. Jesus cured him, and told him not to tell anyone. However, he went out and spread the news. So Jesus could not enter the city freely anymore. But still a lot of people came and asked him for healing.

6.14.09 Gn29, Mt28

2009-06-14T18:30:00.000-04:00

Genesis 29:
Jacob arrived near Laban's place, and he saw a well where he stopped. Some shepherds were there trying to water their sheep. He ased them about Laban. Then Rachael, Laban's daughter came and watered the sheep, too. Jacob told him that he was here for his uncle Laban, Rachael ran home, and told Laban all these. Laban came and got Jacob, and he worked there for a month for Laban. A month later, Laban told him that he would give him wage for his work. Jacob asked for the younger daughter Rachael in return of 7 years of work. Laban agreed. However, when 7 years passed. Leah was brought to Jacob. He then served another 7 years for Rachael. He loved Rachael more than Leah. God saw Leah's misery, so he gave her a lot of sons, however, Rachael was barren.

Matthew 28:
On Sunday, Mary Magdelene and the other Mary went to the tomb. There was a big Earthquak because an angel had came down and rolled open the tomb, and sat on the stone. The soldier were so scared that they fainted. Then the angel told the two not to be discipled, because Jesus had risen, and there were no one in the tomb. He told them to go and tell the disciples. They hurried off. On the way, Jesus met them and greeted them. He told them to have his disciples go and meet him in Galilee. When they were on their way. The soldiers told the chief priest what had happened. After discussing with the elders, they decided to lie to Pilate about where Jesus's body went. They told the governor that the disciples took him. Jesus met them in the mountains of Galilee. People bowed down and worshiped him, some doubted. But Jesus told them to go out to all nations to spread the gosple.

6.13.09 Gn28, Mt27

2009-06-13T15:19:00.000-04:00

Genesis 28:
Isaac then gave Jacoc blessings, and sent him away for Laban's daughter. Jacob left. When Esau heard this, he found out how much Isaac didn't like his hittite wives, so he went to Ishmael's descendants, and married a girl there to be his wife, in addition to the wives he already had.
When Jacob came to the land of Luz, he rested on a piece of stone, and fell asleep, there God came to him in a dream that he told Jacob that He would make Jacob's descendants spread out, and would give this land to him. Jacob woke up and realized God is really on this land. He then made the stone he slept on a pillar. He then made a vow saying that if God kept him safe and provide what he needed, then he would give a tenth of what he would gain to God.

Matthew 27:
After Judas Iscariot saw what had happened to Jesus, he wanted to return the 30 silver coins, however, the peopel wouldn't take it, because they said taht it was his responsibility. Judas then threw the money in in the temple and left. He hanged himself afterwards, for he felt ashamed that it cost innocent blood.
The chief priest and the elders took Jesus to the governor, Pilate. Pilate asked if he was the king of the Jews, he answered yes. However he didn't say any defensive word for himself on the account of the accusation of the people. It was during the feast, and by tradition, the governor was to release one of the prisoners. He asked the people who they wanted, Jesus, or Barabbas. The all shouted Barabbas. However, Pilate's wife told him not to have anything to do with the accusation of Jesus, for she received a strange dream. Pilate then told the people that he was not responsible for putting Jesus to death. The people all shouted that let him blood shed on them and their children.
Jesus was taken to the prison to wait for his crucifiction. While preparing, the soldiers took off his cloths, and put scarlet robe on him, and made a crown out of the thorns. The all mocked him and spat on him. Then they led him to the cross.
When they were going, they grabbed Simon, a man from Cyrene to carry the cross for Jesus. They went to a place called the Golgotha. They offered wine, mixed with gall, for Jesus to drink, but Jesus wouldn't drink it after tasting it. They nailed him, and put a sign saying that he was the king of the Jews in front. By his side, there were two robbers. People all mocked him saying that he saved other people's life, but couldn't save his own. They also insulted him.
From 6 to 9 in the evening, the sky became dark, Jesus yelled to the Lord why he forsakened him. People thought the was talking to Elijah, and they offered him vinegar. After saying those words again, he died.
Then the sky was torn in half, the earth was shaking. People were really scared and admitted that he was really the son of God. Many of his disciples and women were in mourning.
A rich man from Arimathea went to Pilate and asked for Jesus's body, so he could burry him in the new tomb that he had dug out for him. He rolled a stone in front of the tomb. However, people thought was aware of the prophesy he had said that he was going to rise after 3 days, so they asked Pilate to put a seal on the stone and posted guards so that the disciples wouldn't come and take the body away.

6.12.09 Gn27, Mt26

2009-06-12T12:37:00.000-04:00

Genesis 27:
Isaac had grown old, and he called Esau, his first born, to him and told him to hunt him some game, and prepare it the way he liked so that he could take it and bless Esau. Esau went. Rebekah was outside and heard all this, and she went to Jacob and told him to pretend to be his brother Esau, and take his blessings. So Jacob took the goats and Rebekah prepared it, and then he couvered himself with goat skin, and wore his brother's clothes, and went to Isaac. Isaac couldn't see who this was but when he touched him and kissed him, he was sure that the son was his firstborn. Therefore, he took the food, and blessed him. Jacob would be a mighty one, and his brother would serve him. Right after Jacob leftt, Esau came and brought food to Isaac, and Isaac found out about everything. However, he couldn't bless Esau any more for all the blessings went to Jacob. Esau held a grudge against Jacob and intended to kill him after Isaac died. Rebekah heard about this again, and she sent Jacob to Laban, her brother. She told Isaac that she didn't want Jacob to marry a Hittite woman.

Matthew 26:
When the passover was two days away, Jesus again prophesied about his death. At the same time, the chief priests and the teachers of the law were gathering together to figure out a way to kill Jesus. When Jesus was in Bethany, he was eating a a person's house, and a woman came in with the best perfume, and anoited Jesus. When she was doing that, Jesus's disciples accused her that the perfume could be sold for a good price and used to help others. However, Jesus let her, and told people that for the poor would always be with them, but Jeuss not.
Judas Iscariot then went to the chief priest and asked if he hand over Jesus, how much would he get. And they planned the arrest.
Jesus told his disciples to prepare a place for the last supper, and they went to the city to a certan man. That was the first day of the feast. At the dinner table, Jesus told the disciples that one of the men among them would betray him, and they all went and said one by one, "not me." However, when Judas said that to Jesus, Jesus said that it was him. Jesus then broke the bread and told them to eat because it symbolizes him body, and he poured the wine and told them to drink it for it symbolizes his blood. Aftrer they gave thanks, they started eathing.
Jesus then predicted that every single men would fall away from him and they assured Jesus that they wouldn't, and peter told Jesus he would never. However Jesus told him that before the rooster crowed three times next morning, peter would disown Jesus 3 times.
Jesus then took peter, and John and James, son of Zebedee to the mountain to pray. Jesus felt great sorrow, and told his discples to keep an eye on him, and he went a little far to pray. He asked the Lord if it was possible to take back the cup.When he came back, he found them sleeping. Jesus woke them up, and told thim the same thing. Then he went again, and asked the Lord that if this was what he had to do, then let His will be done. He came back again, and found them sleeping. He didn't wake them up, but went back to pray again, and he prayed about the same thing. When he finished, he came back. the disciples were still sleeping. He woke them up and told them the betrayer was here. then went down the mountain, and on the way, Judas came with the prist's armed men; he kissed Jesus for it is a sign to show that the man was Jesus. Jesus kissed him and said: "friend, do what you came for." They then tried to arrest Jesus. One of the disciples reached out and got the sword of one soldier, and cut of his ears. Jesus told him to put the sword back, for he would be done the same thing if he used a sword. Jesus then reached out and fixed the man's ear. Jesus was arrested, and all his disciples fled.
When Jesus was facing Judgement, a lot of false testimonies were given. However, none of them stood firm. However Jesus was accused of blasphemy for saying he could destroy God's temple and rebuild it in 3 days. Peter went in the court and saw all these, and he saw people spitting on him and hit him and riciduled him. He was then recognized by a maidsevant in the courtyard. Peter quickly denied without thinking that he didn't know Jesus. He went out, then another girl saw him, and said that he was with Jesus, then he denied him again. As he was walking out, people recognized him again, and he swore that he didn't know Jesus. At this time, the rooster crowed 3 times. Peter was reminded Jesus's prophesy. He went out and weeped bitterly.

6.11.09 Gn26, Mt25

2009-06-11T10:06:00.000-04:00

Genesis 26:
There was famine in the land where Isaac was living in, so they went to Abimelech, the king of Gerar. Because the Lord had told them not to go into Egypt. While they were in Gerar, Isaac told people that Rebekah was his sister. However King Abimelech saw him caressing Rebekah. He met and discussed the issue with Isaac, and announced that anyone who molests Isaac or Rebekah would be put to death. They lived in peace. However, Isaac's possessions became too big that the men in the land envied him. They filled up all the wells dugged by Abraham. King Abimelech asked them to leave becasue Isaac had became too powerful. When they left. They dug wells elsewhere. However everytime they dug a well, the men from Gerar would come and claim that it was theirs. So Isaac left. When they moved for the third time, they dug a well and no one fought against them. Therefore, they settled there. Then Isaac went to Beersheba, where God spoke to him and told him that he would be blessed. Isaac built and altar there and settled again. Then Abimalech came to Isaac and made a treaty with him that Isaac would never do harm to his people, for when he was in Gerar, King Abimelch had treated him nicely, and had him go in peace. When Esau was forty, he took two hittie women to be wives, and Isaac and Rebekah were dissapointed.

Matthew 25:
(all in red)
The coming of the Christ will be like the coming of the bridegroom. When five of the foolish virgins go to buy oil for their lamp that is going out, the other five wise bvirgins who brought oil themselves will meet the groom, and go to the weeding banquate with him, for they are prepared. The foolish ones will come after the door has closed and beg in, but the doorkeeper will reply I don't know you.
A maaster gave talents to his sevans before he goes onto his trip. 5 to one, 2 to another, 1 to one more, according to their talents. When the master comes back, the one with 5 and 2 have doubled their talents, but the one with 1 gave back what he received, for he hid the talent and did not go out. The master threw him out, and gave the talents to the one with 10. He said that whoever who has more and use it will receive more, and whoever recives less but doesn't use it, even the little will be taken away.
During judgement day, Jesus will sit on his throne an judge people one by one, his sheep on the right, and goats onthe left. He will tell the sheep that they have blessed Jesus so they could come with him, and those on the left that they didnt help him when he was in need, so they cannot come with him. Both sides would ask when and why, and Jesus will say that whoever bless his people has blessed him, and whoever doesn't bless him people doesn't bless him and therefore, they cannot follow him.

6.10.09 Gn25, Mt24

2009-06-10T14:50:00.000-04:00

Genesis 25:
Abraham took another wife, and she bore him a lot of sons, but he sent all of them away from the land, because it was meant to be for Isaac. When Abraham was 175 years old, he died, and Ishmael and Issac buried him with Sarah. Ishmael had a lot of sons too, and he died at 137, his sons lived in hostility toward all their brothers.
After Issac married Rebekah, he prayed to the Lord for children, for Rebekah was Barren. The Lord then gave her twins in her womb, and predicted that the two will be two nations, and one stronger than the other, and the old would serve the young. Esau came out first, he was covered with red hair, and Jacob came out grabbing his heal. Isaac favored Esau for he was good at hunting, however, Rebekah favored Jacob.
One day, when Jacob was cooking, Esau came in asking for the food. Jacob asked Esau to sell his birthright to Esau, and Esau agreed on the price of some bread and lentil stew.

Matthew 24:
Jesus left the building, and his disciples came and wanted him to look at the bildings, and Jesus said that none the stone would be left with another, all would be broken down. The disciples followed him the Mount of Olives, and had him explain when this would all happen. Jesus said that there would be people rising up calling themselves Christs, and there would be wars and famines. Then the disciples would be taken away and persecuted, and killed. Their love would grow cold, and they would hate others. But only the one that stood firm would be saved. Let those in Judea flee to the mountains when the proper sign came, don't let people back to their place to grab their possessions. Do not believe whoever called himself the Christ. Therefore, do not follow the ones who would try to fulfill the prophecies. When those days end, the world would be pitch blac, everything would fall from the sky. The only thing in the sky would be the Son of Man coming from heavens with angesl and trumpet calls. He would gather his all his elect. This could be learned from the fig trees, when the trees start sprouting, the one should know that summer was near, same, when there was a sign, then one should know that Christ was coming soon.
However when he comes, he would come in quietness because his elects would have to be prepared all the time. Therefore, keep watch and be the faithful servant who was keeping his masters household in order and giving other servants food at a certain time, instead of the unfaithful servant who beat up other servants, but when the master came back unexpectedly, he would be in trouble.

6.9.09 Gn24, Mt23

2009-06-10T10:31:00.000-04:00

Genesis 24:
Abraham told his servants to go to his own land among his own relatives and find Isaac a wife. He made him swear that the servant wouldn’t pick a girl from the Canaanites, and that the servant would be free from the oath if the girl he asked wouldn’t come with him to where they were. The servant took off with camels and some men. When he arrived at a spring near Abraham’s relatives, he prayed to the Lord to help his master. If the girl the Lord the permits, the girl who allowed him to drink water from her pillar and watered his camels would be the one chosen for Isaac. Before he finished praying, Rebekah, from Abraham’s brother’s household came. He asked Rebekah for water, and Rebekah gave him water and offered his camels water, too. The servant saw the sign, and gave rebehak a nose ring, and bracelets. After he found out that Rebekah was from Nahor’s family, he thanked the Lord. Then he asked Rebekah if they have any place for him and the animals to stay. She said yes, and went home and told her family. Her brother Laban heard this and came out and greeted the servant. After hearing the story, Laban summoned the servant to his house, and treated him well. After the household heard what had happened, they gave Rebekah to the servant, along with gifts. The next day, when they were about to leave, Rebekah’s mother and siblings wanted her t stayed an extra ten days or so, but the servant insisted on going back. As Rebekah agreed on going back, they left. When they went back, they met Isaac coming back from meditation. Rebekah covered her face. After finding out who she was, Isaac took Rebekah to Sarah’s tent and married her. Isaac loved Rebekah.

Matthew 23:
Jesus was talking to the teachers of the law and the Pharasees.
First he told the people to listen to their teachings but not follow what they do, because they didn’t practice what they were teaching. Then he referred to the teachers of the law and the Pharasees as hypocrites. They liked to be praised, and be called rabbi, but in the kingdom of the Lord, neither was talking about them. They didn’t think swearing by the temple or the altar was important, rather they like swearing by the gold on the temple and the gift on the altar. They didn’t give the Lord what he deserved. The only clean the outside of the dish, not the inside. They whitewhashed the tomb, but forgot inside of it was all deadmen’s bones. They accuse others of killing the prophets, while they themselves were in the group. The couldn’t not enter into the gate of the heaven until they say: “ blessed is the he who comes in the name of the Lord.”

6.8.09 Gn23, Mt22

2009-06-08T21:26:00.000-04:00

Genesis 23:
Sarah died, and Abraham was really sad. They were among the hittites at that time in the land of Canaan. He then asked the hittites to sell him a piece of land so he could bury the dead. However the hittites told him that they consider him a prince so he could choose any land he wanted and they would give. Abraham then said to them he wanted a land from Ephron. Ephron was among them at that time, and he told Abraham that he would give it to him along with the cave with no charge. However Abraham insisted on paying, and they agreed on 400 Shekels of silver. Abraham then buried Sarah in the land.

Matthew 22:
Jesus's wedding parable:
A king was preparing for his son's wedding. He asked his sevants to invite people, but they refused to come. The the king sent out the servants again for a second invitation, and announce that it was mostly ready. One left for his field, one for his business, the others mistreated the servants and killed them. The king became angry and killed those who killed his sevants, and burnt their cities. Then when the banquet was ready, the king had some more servants go out and invite anyone who was on the street. There were a lot of people in the wedding. Then the king saw a man without wedding cloths, and he couldn't answer why he didn't have wedding cloths. Then the kind had him tied up and threw him out to where there were suffering.
King=God
Son's wedding=Jesus's wedding with his church
People who reject him=people who rejected God
People who came with wedding cloths=people who accepted God
the one without wedding cloths=people who didn't really believe in God.
Jesus then was challenged by the pharasees about whether they should pay taxes to Caesar. Jesus then had them take out a denarius, and on it was the portrait of King Caesar. Then he told people to pay back what belonged to Caesar and what God.
Some Sadducees asked Jesus suppose a woman's husband died without having children, then the husband's brother was sopposed to marry her and have children for his brother, but what if there were seven brothers, and they all married that woman till the woman died and non of them had children. Of whom should she be the wife? Jesus said that they had twisted the scripture because at the resurrection people will neither be married or unmarried, and God was the God of the living, not of the dead.
When asked about the greatest commandement in the law, Jesus told them that love God with all your heart, and with all your soul and with all your mind was the greatest commandment, and the second: love your neighbor as yourself.
After being asked so many questions, Jesus challenged them with a question, whose son is the Christ. They said that he was King David's son. Jesus then asked then why did King David call him Lord when he was spoken by the spirit. They couldn't answer.

6.7.09 Gn22, Mt21

2009-06-07T18:24:00.000-04:00

Genesis 22:
God told Abraham to offer his son as a burning sacrifice. Then the next morning, Abraham took his son, and two servants to the place where God had pointed. They stayed on the bottom of the mountain for three days, and on the third day, Abraham ordered his servants to stay and wait while he and Isaac go on to the mountain. They had taken with them the wood and the fire. On the way, Isaac asked Abraham why they took the tooks not the offering, Abraham replied saying that it would be provided by God. When they reached the place God had told them, Abraham built an altar, and bound his son on it, and was ready to slay him with the knife they brought and God's angel called him and told him not to slay his son. This was a test for God to see that Abraham was really God-fearing. Abraham found a ram nearby and offered it as an offering. Then angels appeared again telling him that because he had feared God, God would multiply him that his descendants would be as many as the stars in the sky. God blessed Abraham for he had obeyed him. Then they returned together.
Abraham's brother also had sons, both from his wife and his concubine.

Matthew 21:
Jesus was about to go into Jerusalem. He told two of his disciples to go into the city first and get him the donkey he was talking about. They brought over the donkey with its colt without any obstacles. The Jesus rode on the donkey and went into the city. As he was going in, people put cloak all along the road and others cut off tree branches to celebrate. They were all shouting Hosanna son of David. They all praised him. Jesus then went into the temple of the Lord and chased out all who were selling and buying things, for the temple is a place to praise the Lord. He healed the sick there.
The next morning, Jesus went to Bethany and was hungry, so he went to a fig tree but it didn't ahve any fruit for him to eat. They he said that the tree should not bear any fruit. Then the fig tree withered. The disciples asked why the fig tree withered so fast. Jesus said that if they have enough faith, not only was that possible, they could throw mountains into seas. Whatever was asked in prayer they would get.
When Jesus was teaching at the temple courts, the chief preists and the pharasees came and challenged him where he got the authority to teach. Jesus asked them if they could answer whether it was from Heaven or from men that John the Baptist baptise people. They said they didn't know. Jesus then didn't tell them either under what authority was he teaching.
There were two sons, first refused to do what his father asked him to do in the vineyard, but went eventually. The second said he would but didn't go.
Father=God
Work in the Vineyart=work for the kingdom of God
first son="sinners"
second son=teachers of the law, hypocrits, pharasees...
Then Jesus told them that there was a landowner who planted a vineyard, and he rented it out to a tenant, and went on vacation. When it was time for harvest, the landowner sent servants and wanted to collect his fruit. However, the tenant beat one, killed one, and stoned the third. The landowner did it again, and they wervants he sent the second time received the same treatment. Then the landowner sent his son thinking that the temant would respect him. However, the tenant killed the son, thinking that way they could get the inheritance.
Vinyard=Kingdom of God
Landowner=God
Landowner's son=Jesus
Tenants=people who don't believe
servants=God's servants
After the chief prists and the pharasees heard this, they looked ways to arrest Jesus.

6.6.09 Gn21, Mt20

2009-06-06T20:39:00.000-04:00

Genesis 21:
At exact same time as God had said, Sarah gave birth to a son, and the whole household was in great joy. Isaac was circomcised on the eighth day of his birth as God had commanded. When Isaac was weaned, Abraham held a feast for him, but Ishmael was mocking him. Abraham sent Hagar and Ishmael away as Sarah wanted and God permitted. When Hagar went to desert of Beersheba, she ran out of water, and she didn't want the boy to die, so she left the boy elsewhere, but God heard the boy's cry and angels came down and told gave hagar water so they could live. When they lived in the desert of Paran, Hagar got Ishmael a wife.
At that time Abraham was living in the kindom of Abimelech, so Abimelech came and told abraham to swear that he would be as kind as Abimelech had treated him, and Abraham sweared it. However Abraham told the king his well was seized by the king's sevants, so Abraham got it back for they had a treaty there. They Abraham prayed to the Lord.

Matthew 20:
Jesus again said another parable:
A landowner asked some people to work in his vineyard from early in the morning, and agreed to pay them certain wage. They agreed, and went to work. Throughout the day, the landowner kept asking people who were doing nother to work for his vineyard, they all agreed. At the end of the day, all the workers received the same wage--as much as the ones who went earliest, and the ones who went earliest complained and thought that they deserved more. However the Landowner said that they agreed on the wage, and he, as the master of his own money, had the right to spend his money his way. The workers were just envious of his generosity. The last will come first and first last.
Landowner=God
Vineyard=God's work
Wage=rewards
Worers=people who were saved.
As they were following Jesus to Jerusalem, Jesus predicted that that's the place where he would be betrayed to the chief priests and the teachers of the law. He would be condemned to death, and will rise on the third day.
A mother of two of Jesus's disciples came to Jesus and asked Him to grant her sons the right to sit on the left and right of the throne. Jesus then said that it was not his position to grant the places where they should sit. When the other ten disciples heard this, they became angry. Jesus gathered them and told them whoever wanted to be great must become small among their brothers to serve others.
As they were leaving Jericho, big crowd of people followed them and two blind men were sitting by the road and when they heard Jesus were passing by, they shouted for him. Other people told them to be quiet, but they only shouted louder. Jesus heard them and asked them what they wanted, and as cured their blindness upon their request. Then they followed Jesus.

6.5.09 Gn20, Mt19

2009-06-05T11:49:00.000-04:00

Genesis 20:
Abrham moved from the Canaan to Negev. For a while, he stayed in Gerar. Again, when they went into the land of Gerar, he told Sarah to tell others that they were siblings. The king of the land, Abimelech then took Sarah, but he had not touched her. Then one night, God came to Abemelech in a dream told him that Sarah is Abraham's wife. Abemelech begged God not to destroy his kingdom, for he was innocent. God commanded him to return Sarah, and told him that he would be alright if he did so. When Abimelech returned Sarah, Abraham saw that this was a nation that feared God, and he blessed this nation. Abimelech gave Abraham some things, and some for Sarah, and told them they could live anywhere in the nation. God then healed the woman in Abimelech's household so they could bear children again.

Matthew 19:
After Jesus left Galilee, and went to judae and other places of Jordan. Those pharasees came again, and tested him asking if it was lawful for a man to divorce his wife. Jesus replied that God has created men and women, and they were to leave their parents and unit into one. They then asked why Moses said it was okay to divorce. Jesus then replied that Moses allowed it because men's hearts were hard, and one can only divorce his wife because of unfaithfullness in marriage. His disciples said then what good is there to marry. Jesus said that there were different gifts given to people, some people wouldn't marry, others would, for God's callings were differet. The ones who were given the callings would marry. Then some people took children to Jesus and wanted Jesus to pray for them, the disciples condemned them however Jesus said that the kingdom of heaven belong to little ones. He then prayed for them. A man asked Jesus what he lacked in going to heaven when he fulfilled all the commandment. Jesus told him to go and sell everything he had and follow him. The man held his possessions too tight, and couldn't do it. It was harder for wealthy people to accept the kingdom of heaven. the disciples then asked who would be saved. Jesus said that the ones who would follow him would be saved. Then he predicted that the twelve disciples who followed him would go to heaven and sit on twelve thrones and judge the nation of Israel.

He is really good to me

2009-06-04T23:23:00.000-04:00

Tonight God really answered my preayers of opening my eyes and ears to see and listen to His signs. After (even when I am) talking to my discipler, I realized a lot of things that I didn't reallize. I thought I was so good, but in fact, i was so messed up on the inside, and it was not God's fault that i wasn't seeing or hearing his signs, it was because I built a glass wall between him and me. I know he's there, and I know he can see me, but i bubbled up myself so that he could not reach into me. The glass walls were built with pride, self-righteousness, self-justification, and many other things. God tried to reach to me gently, but I wasn't aware, so he broke them into pieces. Not till i cry out to him, did i realize that all this time, He was there waiting for the moment of break through. I am really blessed to have Downpour, Warriors, and many other friends and leaders in my life to guide me in the right direction. God was really good to me, and after the prayer gathering (even though I was not in the best attitude) and the talk, i was able to open my mouth and praise Him again. So praise the Lord for dragging me back and for loving me so much, and for fetching me, this lost sheep back to the crowd. Thanks Lord!

6.4.09 Gn19, Mt18

2009-06-04T22:40:00.000-04:00

Genesis 19:
God sent two angels to Lot in Sodom to destroy the town as well as Gomorrah. By Lot's insist, they stayed with him, but the men in the city came looking for the two men to have sex with. Lot offered his two daughters, but they won't put up with his offer. The two angels protected Lot and his family and threw them out of the city so they could flee. They also granted Lot's wish to go to Zoar instead of going into the mountains. One thing they needed to do is that they couldn't look back when they were fleeing. However, Lot's wife looked back and she became a pillar of salt. When Lot reached Zoar, Sodom and Gomorrah were being distroyed. Abraham saw the smokes coming out of the cities. Lot didn't stay in Zoar, for he was afraid. He took his two daughters into the mountains and stayed in a cave. The two daughters thought there were no men to lie with so they lay with their father so they could preserve their family line. When they lay with Lot, Lot was drunk, so he didn't know. His two daughters each bore a son for him.

Matthew 18:
When asked by the disciples who were the greatest in heaven, Jesus replied the children for they were little and bumble. Whoever welcomes a child welcomes Jesus, and whoever causes a child to sin, is against Jesus, and therefore, should be thrown into the depths of the sea. Whatever is hindering us from knowing God more needs be readicalling cut out of our life, for it is better to enter heaven incomplete than to be thrown in hell forever. If a shepherd has a hundred sheep and one gets lost, he would leave the crowd of sheep to go and fetch for the lost one, and this is how our Father would do to us if we were lost. If a brother wronged us, we should tell him privately, but if he didn't listen, we should get some people to be witnesses, but if he still refused to listen, just treat them like pagans and tax collectors. Whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. Moreover, for where two or three come together in Jesus's name, ther he is with them.
A servant's great debt was cancelled by his master. However, he went and fetched for the debt others owed him, and had thrown the person into jail for the little debt he owed him. When the master heard this he threw that servant into jail and had him experience great torture before he could pay back all the dabts. If we were like the ungraceful survant, then that's what God will do to us.

6.3.09 Gn18, Mt17

2009-06-03T13:14:00.000-04:00

Genesis 18:
Abraham was sitting under a tree outside of his tent when the Lord came. He prepared food for the Lord, so they could rest. The Lord then said to Abrham that next year, at the same time, when I come Sarah shall have a child. Sarah heard this, and she was laughing, for she and Abraham were both old. When the Lord asked why Sarah was laughing behind the tent, Sarah lied about it saying she wasn't. The Lord told her she did.
When the Lord was leaving, Arham followed them to look at Sodom and Gomorrah. THe Lord wanted to distroy the two cities, for there were great sins. However Abraham begged the Lord to spare the cities for the life of 50 righteous, 45, 40, 30, 20, 10. The Lord said as long as there were 10 righteous people in the city, He will spare the whole city for their sake.

Matthew 17:
After six days Jesus took Peter and John up to the mountain, and he was transfigured. The two desciples waw Moses and Elijah came down to Jesus. Jesus was shining, too. The voic of the Lord spoke to them to have the listen to Jesus. They were very scared, but Jesus told them not to. They went down the mountain and Jesus told them not to tell until He has come back to life after the death.
Jesus healed a demon possessed boy who the disciples could not heald. Then they asked Jesus why and Jesus told them because their faith is not even as big as a mustard seed. He then prophecied on how he would be betrayed and die and be raised back to life after 3 days.
When Jesus and his disciples arrived at capernaum, Jesus was asked to pay temple tax, and then He asked Peter to go fishing and in the mouth of the first fish would he find the tax enough for them.

6.2.09 Gn17, Mt16

2009-06-02T22:18:00.000-04:00

Genesis 17:
Here, God came down to Abram, and told him again, he and sarai would have a son. God made a covenant with Abram saying that all male in the househole shall be circomcised, including forieners. The new borns should be circomcised on the 8th day of birth. Abram was given the name Abraham, and Sarai Sarah. God also blessed Ishmael, and Abraham's son would be named Isaac, and as the Lord said, he should be born around the same time God appeared to him, but the year after.

Matthew 16:
The Pharasees and the Saducees wanted Jesus to perform a miracle to prove that he was the Son of God. However, Jesus didn't, for they were a wicked and adulterous generation.
When they crossed the lake, the disciples forgot to bring bread, and Jesus told them not to worry, but be mindful of the yeast among the Pharasees and the Saducees. yeast=teachings
When Jesus asked his disciples what he was, some gave the answer that a lot of others gave. When asked what they thought, peter said Jesus was the son of God. Jesus blessed him, and told all the disciples to keep quiet about this.
Jesus also said that he was gonna die and come back to life after three days. When Peter rebuked him, he casted out the Satan. He then told his disciples to give up everything and follow him.

new month

2009-06-01T22:28:00.000-04:00

Inspired by Karen, I decide to train myself to become more christ like. To put it in more practical terms--not to loose so much time on unnecessary things when I could use them to do my work faithfully. Then I won't have to use my sleeping time to do work, and the next day fail to praise God simply because I will be too tired. I here, will commit myself to be more faithful and honor God in everything I'm doing. I know I will face temptations, but I also pray that God give me enough strength to rebuke Satan! Amen